Class 13 Si * 5 7 
Book C 5 "P;> 

COPYRIGHT DEP06ZD 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 




THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

NEW YORK • BOSTON • CHICAGO 
DALLAS ATLANTA • SAN FRANCISCO 

MACMILLAN & CO... Limited 

LONDON • BOMBAY • CALCUTTA 
MELBOURNE 

THE MACMILLAN CO. OF CANADA, Lm 

TORONTO 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 

for 

AMERICAN BOYS AND GIRLS 



BY THE 

FACULTY OF THE SOUTH PHILADELPHIA 
HIGH SCHOOL FOR GIRLS 



ILLUSTRATED BY 

ETHEL C. TAYLOR 



THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 
1922 



PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 



Copyright, 1922, 
Bt THE MACMILLAN COMPANY ^ 



Set up and electrotyped. Published April, 1922. 



APR -172 



Press of 
J. J. Little & Ives Company 
New York 



©CLA659495 



I find increasing numbers of men and women 
whose America seems to be the same as mine. 
. . . But it is true no less that there are many 
Americas today . . . 

In the infancy of our adventure, America is a 
mystic word. We go forth all to seek America, 
and in the seeking we create her. In the quality 
of the search shall be the America that we create. 

— Waldo Frank. 

If manners make the man, manners are the 
woman herself; because with her they are the 
outward and visible token of her inward and 
spiritual grace, or disgrace, and flow instinc- 
tively, whether good or bad, from the instincts 
of her inner nature . . . 

f 

For my part, I should like to make every man, 
woman, and child whom I meet, discontented with 
themselves, even as I am discontented with my- 
self. I should like to awaken in them that 
divine discontent which is the parent, first of 
upward aspiration, and then of self-control, 
thought, effort to fulfil that aspiration, even in 
part. 

— Charles Kingsley. 



THE EVOLUTION OF THE BOOK 



There was to be a parents' reception given by the 
Freshman Class and the teachers of English were asked 
to see that the young people not only wrote invitations 
to their parents, but that they knew how to meet the 
other social obligations of the occasion. Therefore, in- 
vitations were discussed and practiced, along with bits 
of conversation to "keep any one from feeling em- 
barrassed." Interest spread like wildfire. Even Seniors 
asked why they weren't being " taught manners" like 
the Freshmen. 

It was a short step then to the conviction that our 
pupils really wanted suggestions as to conduct on special 
and other occasions. When we began by letting them 
discuss what to do at a dance, we could not have 
stopped had we wished to do so. 

A committee was formed and a manual of manners 
compiled. A second committee undertook to plan how 
to get it across to the school; and dramatizations, 
shadowgraphs, and discussions followed. The possi- 
bilities of arousing real enthusiasm and interest were 
apparent. Another committee undertook to amplify 
the manual, and Everyday Manners is the result. The 
evolution of the book is obviously a logical and normal 
story of supply and demand. 

vii 



viii THE EVOLUTION OF THE BOOK 



The members of the original Manners Committee 
were — 

Katharine Q. Carpenter, Chairman 

Amelie Beaudoux 

Olive Ely Hart 

Florence M. Lippincott 

Helen M. Price 

Minnie E. Schweiker 

Ruth Wanger 

Dorothy Wetherald 

Helen D. M. White 
The name of each teacher who wrote even a portion 
of any chapter has been added to the table of contents. 
It must be acknowledged, however, that this little book 
is an example of very real cooperation, and that 
many have helped in its compilation whose names are 
not recorded here. 

Grateful acknowledgment is made of the splendid 
work of my fellow editors, Ruth Wanger and Olive 
Ely Hart. 

Lucy L. W. Wilson 

South Philadelphia High School for Girls 
Philadelphia, September, 1921. 



TABLE OF CONTENTS 





FOREWORD 


Lucy Tj W Wilson 






PART ONE. AT 


HOME 




CHAPTER 






PAGE 


I. 


Table Manners .... 


Ruth W anger 


1 


II. 


Manners in the Family 


Ruth W anger 


14 


III. 


Introductions .... 


Ruth W anger 


18 


IV. 


Manners with Older People 








— and Some Other Matters 


Ruth W anger 


23 


V. 


At the Telephone (See also 








Business Manners) 


Ruth W anger 


26 


VI. 


Tn REGARD TO Pt?TVAT"R PtJOP- 








ERTY 


Julia K. Nusbaum . 


28 


VII. 


Having a Guest .... 


Mary Moriarty . 


31 


VTTT 

V XXX. 


Being a Guest .... 


Mary Moriarty . 


34 


X-^v. 


Invitations and Refresh- 








ments 


Ruth W anger 


GO 




Entertainment .... 


Ruth W anger 


41 

Tt X 


XI. 


Dress 


Janet Baird . 




XII. 


Girls and Boys .... 


Beatrice H. Ryers . 


52 


XTTT 


Gifts 


Olive Ely Hart . . 


oy 




PART TWO. IN SCHOOL 




XIV. 


Assembly Manners . 


Amelie Beaudoux . 


65 


XV. 


In the Corridors 


M. E. Schweiker 


68 


XVI. 


Classroom Manners 


Mildred D. Williams 


71 


XVII. 


Lunch Room Manners . 


Minnie E. Schweiker 


75 


XVIII. 


Student Government 


Ruth W anger . . 


77 


XIX. 


Manners in Games . 


Ruth W anger 


78 




ix 







x TABLE OF CONTENTS 

PART THREE. IN PUBLIC PLACES 

CHAPTER FAGE 

XX. In Trolley Cars and on the 

Street Margaret Patchell . 83 

XXI. In Stations, Dining Cars, 

and Restaurants . . . Florence Lippincott . 90 
XXII. In Stores and Places of 

Amusement . . . ' . . Caroline W. Thome 93 

PART FOUR. IN BUSINESS 

XXIII. Business Manners . . . Helen D. M. White . 99 

PART FIVE. A LAST WORD 

XXIV. A Last Word Ruth W anger . . 109 



FOREWORD 



Mabel and Edwin were talking of their cousin, 
Roger, who had just come to their home town to live. 
They had entertained him several times, and he had 
taken them out in his car. He seemed to have no 
other friends, and the brother and sister were speaking 
of his loneliness. 

"I'd like to do what I can for him," said Edwin. 
"He would enjoy meeting my friends, I am sure; but 
his manners are so awful that I' don't feel that I can 
take him to their homes." 

"Yes, I know," Mabel answered; "to see him eat 
you would think him half civilized. He puts his face 
away down close to his plate, and shovels in his food. 
It's disgusting." 

"Yes, and he is so critical," went on Edwin. "He 
picks to pieces everything people do, as though he 
were perfect." 

"It's his idea of making conversation," said Mabel. 
"He simply doesn't know how to be courteous and 
pleasant, though dear knows, he's old enough. Why, 
when one of my friends came to the porch last night 
when he was here, he didn't even know enough to get 
a chair for her, — let her drag it up herself. She's not 
keen to see him again, you may be sure." 

xi 



xii 



FOREWORD 



"The point is," Edwin said seriously, "can we do 
anything about it? Shall we tell him, or shall we 
let him go his own way?" 



How many of us are talked over in the same way? 
How many of us would like to know how to be courteous 
and pleasant, yet do not know how to do just the right 
thing at the right time? Agonies of embarrassment, 
lonely evenings, wretched moments of indecision, snubs 
from acquaintances, might be avoided if only we had 
the key to each situation. 

In this little book, we try to give you the key. But 
remember, the key does not fit the lock unless the hand 
that holds it is steadied by a sincere and kindly interest 
in others. Forms of courtesy are empty ceremonies 
unless prompted by really sympathetic and friendly 
feeling. We can give you the key. You yourself 
must guide it aright. 



Turn to the Table of Contents. It is not necessary 
to begin at the beginning. Are you more interested 
in some other chapter than in the one on table manners? 
Very well; let us read that one first. 



PART ONE 

AT HOME 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 

CHAPTER I 
Table Manners 

"The Goops they lick their fingers, 

And the Goops they lick their knives; 
They spill their broth on the tablecloth — 

Oh, they lead disgusting lives! 
The Goops they talk while eating, 

And loud and fast they chew; 
And that is why Fm glad that I 

Am not a Goop — are you?" 

Don't be a Goop ! 

Which of your friends have good manners at the 
table? 

What pleases you most in their manners? Is it the 
way in which they handle their food? Their positions 
at the table? Their conversation at the table? 

Eating is not a very attractive process, but in these 
busy days, meal time affords one of the few opportuni- 
ties we have for meeting and greeting our friends. For 
that reason, the unattractive part of eating should be 
made as inconspicuous as possible, so that the social 
part of the meal can be emphasized. If you handle 
your silver and consume your food just as your neigh- 
bors do, your manner of eating is unnoticed, and you 
can dine without embarrassment and be welcome at any 

l 



2 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



table. If, however, your table manners are unusual and 
peculiar, you at once become conspicuous ; you embar- 
rass your hostess ; and your peculiarities may be so re- 
volting as to take away the appetite and upset the con- 
versation of others at the table. This being the case, 
you find yourself unwelcome, perhaps ignored and 
laughed at, because of your clumsy and unpleasant 
maneuvers. Consequently, it is necessary to know 
and to follow the customs that have been accepted by 
those who have learned best how to be agreeable to, 
and considerate of, their fellow men. 

First of all, be prompt at your meals. It is very 
trying to the person who planned the meal to have 
people come in late. If there are guests, allow them to 
enter first, and in any case, if those partaking of the 
meal come from the same room, the men and boys 
stand aside for the women to pass first, except when 
arrangement has been made for people to enter with 
partners. At the table, remain standing until all have 
arrived, or until the mother, or the hostess, or whoever 
is at the head of the table, gives the signal for sitting. 
It is a pleasant courtesy for a man to pull back the 
chair of the woman next to him, and then push it in 
toward the table for her as she sits down. 

Do not begin to eat until all have been served. 

The silver at your place is usually arranged in the 
order in which you will use it — beginning at the outside. 
If soup is served, fill your spoon away from you, al- 
ways, not toward you. If this rule is observed, there 



TABLE MANNERS 



is less danger of letting drops fall on the tablecloth or 
on your clothes. Soup should always be eaten from 
the side of the spoon, never from 



much less awkward it is to eat from 
the side than to push your spoon straight into your 
mouth, as though you meant to swallow it. See that 



"Eat at your table as you would eat at the table of a king." 

you put the soup into your mouth quietly. Never 
suck it from the spoon with a noise; a noisy soup eater 
is most distressing to his neighbors. When you put 
down your spoon, if soup plates are used, leave the 
spoon in the plate. If bouillon cups are used instead, 
never leave the spoon in the cup, but put it in the 
saucer. 

When fish is served, it is eaten by means of the fork 
only, except in those rather rare cases where a fish knife 
is provided. Fish bones may be removed from the 



the front. If you notice people 
while they eat, you can see how 



It is easy to know 
"which fork"; begin 
at the outside. 




^ f 



4 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



mouth by means of the fork, or by the fingers. Often 

the latter method is a safer way of getting the bones to 

your plate. You should, as far as possible, avoid taking . 

the bones into your mouth ; and, when removing any, 

should shield your mouth with your napkin. 

When the main course is served, you may be asked 

your preference in regard to the cuts of meat. If so, and 

if you have a preference, express 
You won't starve if T£ , , , . , , 

,,,,,, it. If you are not asked, take what 

you help the other . J ' 

fellow first. 1S served you without comment. If 

the vegetables are placed on the 
table, help to pass them. If the table is set correctly, 
you will always find a tablespoon beside the vegetable 
dish, and it is your part in picking up the dish, to put 
the spoon into it, and pass the dish to your neighbor. 
In case your neighbor is occupied, it may be more con- 
venient and less conspicuous to help yourself first. 
Never reach across the table or in front of a person for 
anything you desire, but ask the person nearest to pass 
the article. Try to anticipate the needs of your guests, 
so as to offer them what they need before they are 
obliged to ask. Always take bread with your fingers, 
never with your fork. The same is true of olives or 
radishes, or any food which is not provided with its 
own spoon or fork. Such dishes are ordinarily those 
that contain food which you eat from your fingers. 
Always use the butter knife provided to help yourself 
to butter. It is exceedingly bad form to help yourself 
from any dish with your own individual silver. 



TABLE MANNERS 



5 



In cutting your meat, be careful not to hold your 

knife and fork as weapons. The knife should be held 

easily in the right hand, with the ^ 

r n t , i , ! Remember you are 

forefinger running along the back ^ a 

of the blade near the handle. The 
fork, in the left hand, should be held with the prongs 
down, and the forefinger extended along the handle. 
Keep your arms close to your sides — never with the 
elbows out. The latter position produces an awkward 
appearance and frequently causes real annoyance and 
inconvenience to your neighbors. Never cut more than 
one mouthful of meat at a time. It is decidedly out of 
place to cut up all of your meat at once. When you 
have cut off a small piece, the general rule is to rest 
your knife across your plate, transfer your fork to your 
right hand, with the prongs up, and so pick up and eat 
with your fork what has been cut. (It is permissible, 
however, to keep the fork in the left hand, prongs 
down, and so eat your meat. This method prevails in 
England.) Vegetables should be eaten with the fork 
whenever possible. If a vegetable is served in liquid or 
nearly liquid form, it may be eaten 
with a spoon. When not in use, K> only babies 
n ill! n i , who need spoons for 

the spoon should be allowed to all their food 

rest in the dish with which it be- 
longs. It should never be put back on the tablecloth. 
Just so, with the knife and fork; after they have been 
picked up, they should never rest anywhere but on the 
plate. They should not be put back on the tablecloth, 



6 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



or allowed to lean against the plate. For one thing, 
they are no longer perfectly clean, and it is unsanitary 
to spread the germs from your hands and mouth to the 
tablecloth. Moreover, leaning them against your plate 
puts them in your way, and is likely to cause accidents. 
In passing your plate for a second helping, leave your 
knife and fork side by side on your plate — do not 
remove them. When you have finished, put your knife 
and fork in this same position. 

Never spread a whole piece of bread at one time at 
the table. Break the piece in halves, and if one half 
is more than two or three small mouthfuls, brieak it 
again, and spread just one little piece at a time. If a 
bread and butter plate is provided, your bread, of 
course, belongs there. If none is provided, rest your 
bread on your dinner plate, if possible. If that is 
too crowded, all but the piece you have buttered may 
rest on the tablecloth. The buttered piece must rest 
on your plate. 

At one time it was considered good form to leave a 
little food on the plate. Our lessons in thrift during the 
Of course, Jack war > however, taught us that it is 

Spratt was allowed better to take no more than we 
to lick the platter want, and then to eat what is set 
clean * before us, simply avoiding any im- 

pression of scraping the plate. A hostess is more flat- 
tered by a normally good appetite than by one which 
is too dainty. The latter makes her feel that you do 
not like her food. 



TABLE MANNERS 



7 



As coffee is often served with the main course, we 
may consider it here. Be careful, in helping yourself 
to sugar, to use the spoon provided — never your own 
spoon. Your spoon may be used in tasting your coffee 
and to stir it, but any stirring should be done very lightly 
and noiselessly. When the coffee is satisfactory to your 
taste, the spoon should rest in the saucer. It must 
never be left in the cup. It looks awkward if left there, 
and may lead to the upsetting of your cup. Always 
drink from your cup — never from your saucer — and 
never pour your coffee into your saucer to cool it. 
Never blow on it to cool it. If it is too hot, allow it 
to stand in the cup until it becomes cool enough 
to drink. 

The salad course is often a problem. It is a general 

rule in this country that the fork alone shall be used in 

eating salad. Lettuce and other foods used in a salad 

can ordinarily be divided by means T ... _ . f ■ _ 
J . J* Is this your Waterloo? 

oi a iork, and the rule is to cut on 

with your fork just as much as you wish to take in 

your mouth at one time. Be careful never to let the 

fork rest anywhere but on the salad plate. 

Desserts must be handled according to their kind. 

Ice cream is eaten with a spoon unless an ice cream fork 

is provided. Pie is eaten with a 

fork, as is also very soft cake, or u^of ic^ 

a piece of watermelon. Most other cream Eat it 

desserts are eaten with a spoon. If 

the dessert is served in a cup or high standing dish, 



8 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



with a plate under it, the spoon should be allowed to 
rest on the plate rather than in the dish. 

It is customary, when the meal consists of more 
than one course, to remove the soiled dishes before the 
new course is served, as broken food and soiled plates 
are not an appetizing sight. Never stack your dishes 
in front of you. Leave them as they are when you 
finish eating, and let your hostess remove them or have 
them removed to suit herself. If you are the hostess, 
remove the dishes quietly, taking at one time only 
what you can carry in your. two hands without stacking 
or piling. 

There are a few general rules that have been omitted, 
and that are most important. One is, never to pick up 
a dish from the table and hold it while you eat. The 
dishes belong on the table, and if you are too lazy to 
carry the food from the tab'e to your mouth, or too 
careless to get it there safely, you should eat in private, 



Many people have formed the habit of resting on the 
left arm while they feed themselves with the right. 
This is distinctly discourteous. You would not think 
of lying down while a friend called on you, or while you 
called on her. It is just as bad to recline while eating 
and denotes laziness and disregard of those present. 



rather than with other people. 



If you must play, 
your hostess will ex- 
cuse you from the 
table. 



Never play with your silver. 
Never lick your silver — knife, 
fork, or spoon; also, never lick 
your fingers. 



TABLE MANNERS 



9 



Between courses, while talking, it is sometimes permis- 
sible to rest the elbows on the table; but one should never 
sprawl. 

Never come to the table untidily or slovenly dressed. 
No one's appetite is improved by looking at hair 
curlers, suspenders, and soiled shirtwaists or shirts. 
See that your face, hands, and nails are clean, and 
that your clothes are not only clean, but neat. 

Never smack your lips over your food. Your lips 
should be kept closed while you are chewing your food. 
Never pick your teeth at the table, or in public. A 
toothpick may be used in your own room, if necessary. 

The conversation at the table should always be 
pleasant, and of a kind in which all may take part. If 
disagreeable things must be said, _ , A , 
wait until the meal is over, so that 
no one's appetite will be ruined. Be very sure, too, to 
avoid speaking of subjects which call up unpleasant 
pictures. It is never permissible to discuss a surgical 
operation, or a bad illness, or death, or to describe filth, 
or mention vermin, while at the table. The pleasant est 
part of a meal should be the conversation. Pleasant 
talk aids digestion and makes the food more palatable. 
A hostess's luncheon or dinner is remembered rather 
for the conversation indulged in, than for the excellence 
of her food. Be careful not to monopolize the conver- 
sation. There are usually others at the table as inter- 
esting as, or more interesting than, you. You should 
show especial care in this respect when older people are 



10 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



present. In the latter case, it is your place to stay in 
the background unless there is a distinct need or call for 
your conversation. Never, by any chance, talk when 
your mouth is full. If you eat slowly, taking small 
bites, you will seldom be caught at a disadvantage. 
However, if addressed when your mouth is full, let the 
person who has addressed you await your answer. Do 
not risk the embarrassment and the possible disaster 
resultant from an immediate reply. 

Never read at the table unless you are the only one 
there. 

If an accident occurs at the table, if you drop your 
spoon, or upset your cup, the misfortune is bad enough. 



difficulty as quietly as possible. If you need the spoon 
you have dropped, and your hostess does not noticeyour 
difficulty and supply another, the only thing left for 
you to do is to pick it up and wipe it on your napkin. 
If you upset your cup, repair the difficulty as best you 
can with your napkin. Remember that your embarrass- 
ment spoils the enjoyment of those present; so remedy 
the difficulty quickly and lead the conversation away 
from the accident. 

Remember that if you have a bad cold, you are an 
unpleasant table companion, and be as inconspicuous 



cover your mouth with your handkerchief. For pro- 



Accidents will happen. 



Do not make it worse by calling 
attention to it, but remedy the 



The danger signal! , 



as possible. If it is necessary to 
cough, turn your head aside and 



TABLE MANNERS 



11 



longed coughing, leave the table. If you find it neces- 
sary to blow your nose, ask to be excused from the table, 
and return as soon as possible. 

Remain seated until all have finished, unless this is 
absolutely impossible. It is the place of the hostess, 
or person at the head of the table, to give the signal 
for rising. If you have an important engagement, you 
may excuse yourself quietly before the others are ready 
to leave. In your own home, or where you are a guest 
for more than one meal, fold your napkin and leave it 
beside your plate. ■ When you are a guest for only one 
meal, it is unnecessary to fold your napkin. 

In passing out of the room, men let women go first. 

Knowing the right thing to do is very different from 
being able to do it when the need arises. Good table 
manners come only from continual practice of the right 
way of doing things. In our own homes is the right 
place to learn, by carefully observing good form at 
every meal. This not only prepares us for emergencies, 
but enables us to show to our families the respect we 
should feel for them. 

"If you always eat as if in the presence of the King, 
you will have no need to blush should the King summon 
you to meat." 

problems: who will solve them? 

1. How shall we interest all the children in the school in good 
table manners? 

A play at Assembly, did you say? Suppose that we try it out 
here in the classroom first. Let us look over the chapter again 



12 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



to see what there is that will suggest effective and interesting 
scenes. 

2. "What characters shall we need and how shall they ap- 
pear? 

Yes, your plan of a series of scenes, beginning with the gradual 
gathering of the family, one child coming in after the others are 
seated, is good. It is true that the mother may be able to praise 
one and quietly correct another in the middle of an otherwise inter- 
esting conversation, but that must be carefully managed. 

3. Who can suggest anything else? 

In one school, instead of a play, the children arranged a shadow- 
graph. Probably } r ou can guess what that means, even if you have 
never seen one. A table with two children at dinner was set up 
on the stage behind a lantern screen. Of course, a large sheet 
might have been used as a screen. The room was darkened, 
but as much light as possible was turned on behind the screen. 
The children, the dishes, and the table looked like black silhouettes, 
or shadows. A third child, one who spoke very distinctly and 
easily, explained to the audience the right and wrong way to eat 
and behave at the table. After each description, the shadows 
illustrated in action what she had described in words. She was 
careful to describe the good way twice, first and last, with the 
wrong way between. 

4. How can we help the children in this school not only to know 
good table manners when they see them, but also to form the habit 
of good table manners, so that finally they do not even think about 
them, and yet always practice them? 

Manners, like swimming or any other sport, must be learned 
through practice. Just to understand the rules is not enough. 

Why not try to break a bad habit by substituting a good habit 
for it? Keep a record of your success or failure each day, and 
report upon it at the end of the week. Make a report on the table 
manners of other people, particularly if you are fortunate enough 
to see some one with beautiful manners. 



TABLE MANNERS 13 

5. Here are some good manners slogans that you may remember 
while at the table : 

Eat at your table as you would eat at the table of a king. 

— Confucius. 

Mend your manners! 
Manners count! 

Eventually good manners; why not now? 



CHAPTER II 



Manners in the Family 

'Twas a misty, moisty morning 
And cloudy was the weather, 
When I met an old man 
All clothed in leather. 

He began to compliment, 

And I began to grin, 

"How do you do, and how do you do, 

And how do you do again?" 




Always start the day with a pleasant "Good morn- 
ing' ' to those you meet. This includes your family. 

You will find it has the same effect 
It doesn't cost any- ag ^ degcribed ^ the rh 

thing to smile. . ■ f 

above, iwen if the weather is bad, 

and one feels disagreeable, a pleasant greeting helps to 
spread cheer. 

14 



MANNERS IN THE FAMILY 15 



There are people who think that courtesy is merely 
a matter of form. The manners of such people are not 
worth much. Sincere good manners require that a 
person be helpful and kind at all times, which means 
that good manners are closely associated with one's 
daily work. If you would cultivate the better kind of 
courtesy, there are many opportunities to do so in your 
own home life. 

Boys, never let your mother carry coal, beat rugs, or 
go to the store when she is tired, if you can do the work 
for her. Show your appreciation 
of her by drying the dishes in the 
evening, so that she may get an opportunity to rest. 



Don't be a shirk. 




Help your mother when she is tired. 



Girls, you can at least make the beds, straighten the 
living room, and, in the evening, wash the dishes even 
if you are attending school. On Saturday and Sunday 
you have your opportunity to learn to cook and clean 
and to give your mother a little play time. 

Sometimes your mother wants to be so very kind to 



16 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



you that she tells you you need not help. The next 
time she does it, remember your manners and fall to 
work. Outsiders judge you largely by the way you 
treat your mother. 

Do not impose your work on your little sisters and 
brothers. Always do more than they do, as you are 



if you do not set a good example. 

Work quickly and carefully and quietly. If you put 
your best efforts into your task, you will find yourself 
enjoying it. A thorough piece of work, no matter what 
it may be, is always a great satisfaction to the doer. 
Aside from this, you should endeavor to do your work 



cheerfully, because your mother is very little benefited 
by your labor if you are cross and disagreeable. Remem- 
ber too that the skill and ease with which you accomplish 
the small home tasks are the best possible preparation 
for the big tasks you will meet later on. 



Here's where age 
comes first. 



bigger than they; and help them 
out when they are tired. You can 
never expect them to be considerate 




£i 



Endeavor to do your work cheerfully. 



MANNERS IN THE FAMILY 17 



Take care of the things you handle while you are 

working around the house. Do not let the baby's doll 

be broken, or your sister's book be 

mislaid. Do not throw into the waste , course > y° u never 

leave your things 
paper basket the composition over lying about# 

which your brother has toiled hard, 

even though he has left it very untidily on the table. 

Your good breeding shows nowhere more markedly 

than in the care you take of the things other people value. 

Always thank a member of your family for any favor 

as graciously as you would an outsider, and remember 

that "Please" is a helpful word anywhere. Don't say 

"Thanks"; it sounds ungracious. "Many thanks, 

Mother" or "Thank you, Fred" are much pleasanter 

expressions of appreciation. 



problems: who will solve them? 

1. Suppose that a child has never formed the habit of greeting 
his family with a smiling "Good morning! " — how can he learn to 
do it? What may make it difficult at first? How can he overcome 
this difficulty? 

2. Each of you may make a list of things that you might do when 
you go home to-day that would help your mother. How can you 
get into the habit of helping her every day? 

3. What do you think of beginning now a manners drive? 
You must do the planning for slogans, posters, scenes, plays, tags. 

These all help to arouse interest and to fix facts. Here are two 
suggestions for manners slogans. Can you add others? 

Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for 
courtesy. — Emerson. 

Family intimacy should never make brothers and sisters forget 
to be polite to each other. — Silvia Pellico. 



CHAPTER III 



Introductions 

If your mother enters the living room while you have 

a caller, rise quickly and introduce your guest. ' 1 Mother, 

this is Anna Smith, a classmate of 
When company . A . 

. mine. Anna, this is my mother, 

comes! . . 

The introduction would be the 
same in form in the case of a boy. Ask your mother if 
she will join you, offer her the most comfortable chair, 
and explain to her what you and your friend are doing 
or planning. If your mother feels that she cannot take 
part in your occupation, she will not remain, but she 
will be pleased to know that you want her. It is never 
your place to indicate that there is no room for her in your 
group. Always give her the opportunity to decide 
whether or not she will join you. Your new friends can 
judge very quickly whether you are a safe person to 
cultivate by your manner to your parents. 

Your father should receive the same courtesy. 
" Father, you remember Jack Bolton, don't you? Jack, 
you've met my Dad before. " 

In all introductions it is a safe rule to follow, that you 
present young people to older people; less distinguished 
people to more distinguished people. "Miss Hayward, 
may I introduce (or present) my chum, Anna Smith?" 
After giving the introduction, it is courteous to add a 

18 



INTRODUCTIONS 



19 



word or two explaining those introduced to each other, 
or opening a topic of conversation in which both are 
interested. "Dr. Radner, this is 



introducing two older people — say 
a teacher and your mother — " Mother, I want you to 
know Miss Jones' ' is correct, if the teacher is younger 
than your mother and, as a rule, unless you feel that 
the teacher is entitled to even greater respect than your 
mother. 

A man is always presented to a woman and a boy to 
a girl — "Anna, this is Jack Bolton. Jack, this is Anna 
Smith." 

If you have to introduce one person to a small group, 
you may say: "I want you all to meet my friend, Anna 
Smith (or Jack Bolton)." "Anna (or Jack), this is 
Irma Gaynor, Harry Bennett," and so on, giving each 
one in order around the room a personal introduction. 
If a person arrives late at a gathering, and the others 
are already engaged, introduce the latecomer only to 
such persons as are not disturbed thereby, waiting until 
a convenient time to introduce the others. 

Never command an introduction. It is bad form to 
say, "Meet Mr. Jones," or "Shake hands with Mr. 
Jones." The words as used above in the explanation 
are satisfactory, though in a very formal introduction 
you may say, "Mother, may I present Mr. Jones? Mr. 
Jones, my mother, Mrs. Brown." 



the friend who hiked to New York 
with me last summer." If you are 



If people had first 
names only, it would 
be easy. 



20 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



The introduction should be given immediately. It is 

very embarrassing to any one to come up to talk to you 
and find you with a stranger to whom you do not at 
once introduce him. It suggests that for some reason 
you do not want these two people to meet. Each one 
may secretly feel — " She (or he) is ashamed to know me." 
Or, even if that is not the case, the conversation will very 
likely be stilted and halting while each of your friends 
waits for you to perform the courtesy you have overlooked. 

If you are the person who is being introduced, there 
is a certain courtesy demanded of you. Rise, if a friend 
is introducing you to his or her mother or father, or to 
any older person and remain standing until the older 
person is seated. Do not offer to shake hands unless they 
do, but be ready to accept their overtures of friendliness. 
Say, "How do you do, Mrs. Jones (or Mr. Jones)?" 

Girls, if a friend is introducing you to his or her sister, 

or to a girl whom you know to be a good friend of his 

or hers, rise and offer your hand. If a boy is being 

introduced to you, you need not rise if you are seated. 

If you wish to express cordiality, however, you may 

meet him halfway by extending your hand. Boys, rise, 

but let the girl take the initiative about shaking hands 

and be ready to respond to her 
The other fellow ,.. T£ , 

, , cordiality. Ii you are being mtro- 

may feel worse J J & 

about it than you do. duced to another boy, or other 
boys, always rise and shake hands. 
Never allow any feeling of awkwardness to keep you 
from doing what you know to be correct. 



INTRODUCTIONS 



21 



Do not say "Glad to meet you." By its flippancy, 
the phrase loses any real meaning. "How do you do, 
Miss Jones, or Mr. Smith?" is sufficient. To repeat the 
person's name in this fashion not only helps to fasten it in 
your mind, but shows the person whom you are meeting 
that you are sufficiently interested to listen for his or 
her name. If you care to, you may then add something 
of this sort: "I have been hoping to meet you; Anna 
talks so much of you," or "I am very glad to know such 
a good friend of Anna's." 

If an introduction seems a mere formality and you do 
not expect to become better acquainted with the person 



"How do you do?" If you are being introduced as one 
of a group, a smile and bow are sufficient. If you are 
being introduced to a group, recognize each in turn by 
a smile, an inclination of the head, and if possible by 
a repetition of the name. 

If a friend fails to introduce you to some one in a 
group, you yourself must rise to the occasion. In a 
general conversation, join in and talk as though you 
had been introduced. If you find yourself seated near 
the person you have not met, you might say, "I do not 
believe that we have met. I am Anna Smith." And 
the other should at once introduce herself or himself, 
"And I am Jack Bolton, Miss Smith." 

Another method of introducing yourself, when you 
know who the person is, is to say, "You are Jack 



to whom you are introduced, do not 
shake hands, merely smile and say, 



Don't gush! 



22 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



Bolton, aren't you? I am Clara's friend, Anna 
Smith." 



problems: who will solve them? 

1. Charles has invited two otker boys to spend the evening with 
him developing films. His mother and father are in the living 
room when the boys arrive. How shall Charles introduce his 
friends? How shall he suggest their going to his room to work? 

2. Irene White is studying her lessons with two friends, Mary 
and Kate, when her mother enters the room. Mrs. White has 
never met Kate. How shall Mary properly greet Mrs. White? 
How shall Irene introduce Kate? What remarks can Irene's 
mother and Kate exchange that will relieve the embarrassment 
that such meetings sometimes cause? 

3. Anna's friend, Mary, from another town is visiting her. 
Anna has invited Dorothy, George, Henry, and Walter to spend 
the evening. Mary does not know any of the four guests. 
Plan a scene in which Dorothy and two of the boys arrive to- 
gether. See that proper introductions are made and that the first 
ice of formality is broken. The third boy arrives late. See that 
he is made one of the group as soon as possible. 

4. Charles meets at a dance a girl that he has not seen for some 
time. She introduces to him two or three boys and girls who are 
standing with her. Plan the introductions, and let Charles ask 
one of the girls to dance. She may accept or refuse. 

5. Plan and dramatize other such scenes as will give you a chance 
to practice the sort of introductions that you think you may 
need to make. Remember that only by practice can you hope to 
gain ease and graciousness in meeting social requirements. 

6. Add other slogans to these: 

The greater man the greater courtesy. — Tennyson. 

Politeness is to do and say 

The kindest thing in the kindest way. 



CHAPTER IV 



Manners with Older People — and Some Other 

Matters 

Rise when older people enter the room and see that 
they are comfortably seated before you yourself sit 
down. In offering your own chair to some one, do not 
stand in front of it as though you did not really want 
it taken, but push it a bit forward invitingly and then 
move away to show that your offer is sincere. 

Be especially courteous when conversing with older 
people. Never interrupt them, and if asked to ex- 
press yourself, do so with modesty. 

l „ t Somebody has said it 

A really clever young person before> anyhow 

knows that his opinions are crude 

and worth little beside those of more experienced 

men and women. It shows stupidity as well as rudeness 

to assert yourself loudly and perhaps contradict flatly 

what older people have said. You may not agree with 

them, but listen very courteously to what they have 

to say; and, if asked your opinion, give t very simply 

and deferentially. 

Notice the needs of older people and be quick in 

meeting them. If a glove or a 

ball/ of worsted is dropped, or if The ^ xercise is 
• -i » . u t good for you. 

some one mislays his or her glasses 

or feels a draught from a window, pick up the glove 

23 



24 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



or ball, find the glasses, or close the window without 
waiting to be asked. 

The giving of such attention to older people is a duty 
of girls as well as of boys. Boys, however, should be 
just as thoughtful of, and give the same attention to, 
girls as to older people. Boys should not smoke in the 



presence of women or girls without first asking and 
receiving permission. 

Elsewhere, as in the dining room, do not monopolize 
conversation, either with older people or with people of 



logue. Courtesy demands an interest in others. If you 
do all the talking, it is a sure sign that your interest 
centers in yourself. People will consider you ill- 
mannered, and worse, — a bore. 

If you go anywhere with a group of people, do not 
allow one person to monopolize your time and atten- 




Be quick to help an older person. 



Stop for breath 
now and then. 



your own age. Remember that 
conversation is an interchange of 
thoughts and ideas, not a mono- 



MANNERS WITH OLDER PEOPLE 25 



tion. It is your part, as a member of the group, to be 
pleasant and agreeable to all. Only selfish, rude, or 
socially inexperienced persons will disregard this sug- 
gestion. 

problems: who will solve them? 

1. From your own experience, or reading, tell a story that will 
prove that boys and girls need to be reminded of just such points 
of courtesy as are suggested in this chapter. 

2. Can you add other slogans to this one? 
Few men regret the things they have not said. 



CHAPTER V 



At the Telephone 

There are certain rules that should govern the use of 

the telephone, if it is to 
be a convenience and an 
accommodation, and not 
a nuisance. 

If you are on a party 
line, be considerate of 
other people on your 
wire. Remember that 
their selfishness or rude- 
ness does not excuse 
yours. 

Do not call up people 
more frequently or keep 
them at the telephone longer than is necessary to give 
or get necessary information. You may have nothing 
to do, but the person at the other 
How you would feel end be extreme l y busy, yet 

if you could see the -r, . , 

yawns at the other to ° c ™rteous to . sa y so - Besides, 
end of the wire! most people dislike the telephone 
for social calls. It is a lazy and 
discourteous way of being friendly. 

Do not call people at meal time or late at night. If 
you know the time most convenient for calling certain 

26 




AT THE TELEPHONE 27 



people, be sure you call them at that time. It is very 
trying to be compelled to carry on a telephone conver- 
sation while one's dinner grows cold or to get out of bed 
to answer a call that may be for some other member of 
the family. 

Ask distinctly for the person to whom you wish to 
speak. Never open the conversation by asking, " Who is 
this?" 

If you are called, it saves time when you answer the 
telephone, to say at once, "This is Anna Smith/' with- 
out saying "Hello." 

Be courteous to "Central." 



problems: who will solve them? 

1. Dramatize a scene suggested by any paragraph in this chapter. 

2. Illustrate from your own 
experience the common sense of 
any one of the rules given 
above. 

3. Write a list of telephone 
don'ts. 

4. Make this your telephone 
slogan: 

The voice with a smile wins. 




CHAPTER VI 



In Regard to Private Property 



From the earliest stages in the development of man 
the idea of property has existed. Every one wants 
things that he can call his very own and he wants no 
one to violate his right of absolute possession. Thought- 
lessness frequently leads one to disregard the property 
rights of others. 

One's mail is a very private bit of property. Fre- 
quently the contents of a letter are of a personal character 
not intended for any one except the person to whom the 
letter is addressed. Even if you are positive that this 
is not the case, never open mail that is not addressed 



lite but dishonest to do this unless you are so requested by 
the person to whom it was sent. 

Keep yourself supplied with things that you are 
likely to need. Borrowing, like many other customs, 
quickly develops into a habit; so do not borrow if you 
can possibly avoid it. Many people do not like to lend 
at all and no one wants to lend except in an emergency. 
Never borrow without asking permission. No matter 
how trifling the thing, the act is equivalent to stealing 
if it is done secretly. Ordinarily, if the occasion war- 



Not even post 
cards! 



to you. One is often tempted to 
read another's mail after it has 
been opened. It is not only impo- 



28 



IN REGARD TO PRIVATE PROPERTY 29 



rants it, people are willing to lend books, stationery, 
etc., if these are asked for courteously and returned 
promptly. Books must be returned in as good condition 
as when borrowed. If possible, return the same kind 
of stationery that you borrowed. 



stamps, rather than their equiva- 
lent in money. It is sometimes inconvenient to pur- 
chase such articles, so that if any one is kind enough 
to help you in an emergency, be sure to show your 
appreciation by returning the same kind of article that 
was borrowed. Try to avoid borrowing money, but if 
this is necessary, the rule as to a prompt and full return 
applies here. 

There are some articles so individual and personal in 
character, that they should be neither borrowed nor 
lent. Such are hair brushes, combs, hairpins, and pow- 
der puffs. It is extremely unhygienic to use anything 
that has touched another person's 

hair "or skin. Skin affections are The germs will get 

-i , you, if you don't 

very contagious and can easily be watc k out j 

transmitted by the exchange of 
such articles. Very frequently, girls are tempted either 
to borrow or lend a powder puff or a comb. Never ask 
any one to lend you hers and, although you may dislike 
to refuse a request for yours, the borrower must surely 
see the strength of your argument against such a prac- 
tice. 



If you borrow trolley tickets, or 
stamps, return trolley tickets or 



The store is no 
farther from you than 
from the other fellow. 



30 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



problems: who will solve them? 

1. What articles do boys and girls in school borrow one from 
another? What can your teachers do to help you to break up this 
objectionable practice? 

2. Add other slogans to this famous one: 

Neither a borrower nor a lender be; 

For loan oft loses both itself and friend. — Shakespeare. 



CHAPTER VII 



Having a Guest 

The success of any hostess is measured by the skill 
with which she puts her guests at ease. 

Always rise to greet a guest; and then, after seeing 
that he is comfortably seated, turn the conversation to 
things of interest to him, making your own interests 
subordinate. 

If you are a girl and your caller is a boy who has a 

tendency to stay late, it is not discourteous to tell 

him that your parents prefer that your callers should 

not stay after ten o'clock. In w 

, t He'd rather hear it 

such a case, however, you must from you than from 

take care to be courteous and Father! 

tactful in manner. 

If, instead of a caller, you are entertaining overnight 
guests, there are certain additional things you must 
remember. Take the guests to their rooms immedi- 
ately on their arrival in order that they may deposit 
wraps and luggage. Since every thoughtful visitor 
wishes to conform to the ways of the household, it 
simplifies matters all around if the hostess indicates 
such th'ngs as the time of retiring and the time of break- 
fast and other meals. 

In order that your guest may be perfectly comfort- 
able, see that the guest room is supplied with clean 

31 



32 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



towels; the bed, with absolutely fresh sheets and suit- 
able bedding. It is thoughtful to supply clothes hangers 
and other accessories that add to the comfort of the guest. 

Because one who is entertaining never wishes to see 
a guest unhappy, even in the slightest detail, a host or 
hostess will take care not to dress more elaborately than 
a guest can. 

Never forget your guest. If other friends call, do 
not talk about things of which your guest is ignorant, 

unless you explain the circumstances 
A guest ou £»ht to ^ him or her. By all means, see 
have a good time. J , > 

that your triend is included m con- 
versation. At a party, you yourself should never dance 
without seeing that your guest is provided with a part- 
ner. Do not accept any invitations during the visit in 
which he or she is not included. Do not allow your 
other friends to make slighting or unkind remarks about 
your visitor. In every way, you must subordinate your 
interests to those of your guest while you are a host 
or hostess. 

As a rule the guest should go ahead of you whenever 
you are entering the house or a room, except that a boy 
should not precede a girl. Your guest will stand aside, 
allowing your mother or other older people to precede. 

No matter how thoughtless or exasperating a guest 

may be, continue your own thoughtfulness and courtesy 

|A , . , as long as she or he is in your home. 

It can't last forever. ° . r 

Remember that the invitation was 

extended by you or for you. Never forget to extend to 



HAVING A GUEST 



33 



the guests of the other members of your family the same 
courtesy you wish shown to your own. 

In extending an invitation, it is customary to state 
for how long a time you wish your friend to stay. This 
saves inconvenience and misunderstanding. 

Remember, above all, that unless real sincerity un- 
derlies all that you do and say in these matters, there can 
be no real courtesy, 

For manners are not idle, but the fruit 
Of loyal nature and of noble mind. 



problems: who will solve them? 

1. Write a letter inviting a friend to stay with you from Saturday 
till Monday. Letters may be read and discussed for the purpose 
of selecting the best. 

2. You may use this for a slogan if you will remember that here 
speed does not mean hurry: 

Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest. — Pope. 



CHAPTER VIII 



Being a Guest 

Just as there are certain things every hostess must 
remember, so also there are certain things that every 
guest must keep in mind. 

In order to avoid possible embarrassment for you and 

for your hostess, be careful not to call at or near meal 

time. Boys, when calling on a girl, be sure to rise as 

soon as she comes into the room, just as you would for 

her mother, or other older person. Never call on a 

girl whom you do not respect enough to show this 

courtesy. Girls, as a rule, when calling on a friend, 

do not stay after ten o'clock. Boys, do not stay so 

late when calling on a girl that she has to tell you to go 

home. Find out at what time her parents expect her 

callers to leave. Otherwise, if she is still in school, ten 

o'clock is a reasonable hour for de- 

You can't make a par ture. On leaving, tell the girl 

graceful exit if Father , , u , , , 

r x . « how much you have enjoyed the 

has to tell you the . J J J 

time# evening, or ask if you may come 

again soon. 

When you go for an overnight visit or longer, 
be sure to take with you your own toothbrush, hair- 
brush, comb, face cloth, and other toilet necessities. 
See to it that you have a sufficient supply of clean 
clothes that are in good condition. Do not risk being 

34 



BEING A GUEST 



35 



either a disgrace to your hostess because of untidiness, 
or a burden to her by requiring laundering privileges. 

It is a thoughtful, though not absolutely necessary, 
attention to take your friend's mother a little gift to 
show your appreciation of her willingness to entertain 
you. Candy, flowers, or, if you are a girl, some piece of 
your own hand-work, are always in good taste. 

Take great care to conform to the household routine 
in every way. Be prompt at meals; be helpful about 
the house. It is always proper to make your own bed, 
to keep your own room in order, and to offer to help 
with the dishes, or in other ways, unless there are serv- 
ants to do these things. There is no good reason why 
boys as well as girls should not do this. 

Adjust yourself readily to the plans of your host or 
hostess, and respond enthusiastically to all efforts to 
make you happy. Offer to share the expense of trips away 
from the home. If your host or host- Don , t b 
ess refuses to allow this, accept the expensive, 
decision gracefully and try in some other way to express 
your appreciation of her entertainment. Do not expect 
to be entertained all the time. Have a book to read or 
some other occupation to fill in the time when your 
friends are occupied. Never encourage a plan to which 
the mother of your host or hostess is opposed. 

Do not overstay the time of your invitation, and on 
leaving do not fail to thank your friend's mother for 
the visit. At the same time, if you are in a position to 
do this, ask her whether your friend may not visit you 



36 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



at some later date. Much of the joy that your friend 
derives from your visit is in the thought that you 
have been happy. Do not fail to say how much 
real joy the visit has given you. 




Write your " bread and butter" letter promptly. 

After your return home, write promptly to your 
friend's mother and to your friend, telling them again 
how much you enjoyed your stay 



your letters, use paper without lines — preferably white. 



A PROBLEM : WHO WILL SOLVE IT? 

Suppose you have just returned from a visit. Write your friend's 
mother a suitable letter. Perhaps the one given below will help you. 

Dear Mrs. Jones: 

It was raining when my train pulled into the station, but 
father was waiting for me with an umbrella. I have done 
so much in this past week that it seemed a long, long time 



Use your best letter 
paper. 



with them. These are called " bread 
and butter" letters. As with all 



BEING A GUEST 



37 



since I had seen my family. They were interested in hearing 
about my good time, and I had so much to tell them that we 
stayed up late. I told them everything we did — the pic- 
nics, the dance, the boat rides — but I can never quite tell 
them, or any one, how much I appreciate your kindness in 
giving me so much happiness. 

Mother thinks I look very well and hopes I was not a 
great deal of trouble to you. 

Thank you very, very much, Mrs. Jones, for my happy 
holiday. 

Very sincerely yours, 

Alice Lee. 



CHAPTER IX 



Invitations and Refreshments 

An informal invitation may be written or spoken. In 
giving it, the important things to remember are: 
To give the date clearly. 

To indicate the time you would like your friends to 
come. To say, " Come early " is bad. It may mean half 
past seven to some, half past eight to others. Say rather, 
"Come about eight o'clock." Then the guest feels no 
embarrassment nor fear that she or he will arrive before 
the hostess is ready. For an afternoon party it is custom- 
ary to tell your guests not merely when to come, but also 
when to leave. "From four to six, etc." The guest is 
then quite sure she is not intruding at meal time. 

To suggest the size and kind of the party. Guests 
are often undecided how to dress for a party. This is 
usually because they do not know whether the party is to 
be large or small, elaborate or simple. Usually, an informal 
invitation indicates a very simple affair, but your guest 
will be more at ease if you give her a hint as to the nature 
of the occasion. If you write the invitation, it might be : 
Dear Mary: 

I am inviting a half dozen girls and boys to the house 
Tuesday evening, and I want you to be one of us. Will 
you come? Mother says we may take up the rugs and 
dance. Come, if you can, at about eight. 

Sincerely yours, 

Anna Louise Smith. 

38 



INVITATIONS AND REFRESHMENTS 39 



White paper, or very delicately tinted paper, is best 
for such occasions. 

Formal invitations are used more rarely, and only for 
dignified occasions. Such invitations are in the third 
person and are always written or engraved. 

Miss Anna Smith requests the pleasure of Miss Brown's 
company at the Iris Club, on Thursday evening, March the 
second, from half-past eight until twelve. 

418 West End Avenue, 
February the twenty-third. 

R. S. V. P. — Repondez s'il vous plait — means " Reply 

if you please/' and when found on 

• l • j ,r , No, it does not mean 
an invitation, indicates that prep- ' , 

. . , t Refreshments served 

arations are being made according very p rom pt\y. 

to the number of acceptances. 

Hence a prompt reply is most important. 

Your reply should be as formal as the invitation: 

Miss Helen Brown accepts with pleasure Miss Smith's 
kind invitation for Thursday evening, March the second, 
from half-past eight until twelve. 

428 West Broad Street, 
February the twenty-fifth. 

or 

Miss Helen Brown regrets that a previous engagement 
prevents her accepting Miss Smith's kind invitation for 
Thursday evening, March the second. 

428 West Broad Street, 
February the twenty-fifth. 



40 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



Refreshments should always be simple. A great 
Y u don't live variety of rich food is vulgar. 

to eat For a small group, the following 

would be ample: 

Cocoa { or 

\ iced Sandwiches candy 

or and or and possibly or 

Grape juice light cakes nuts 

or with 
Lemonade ice cream 

Serve the food daintily. You may have the guests 
come to the dining room, or serve them in the living 
room, as you choose. If the party is informal, the 
napkins may be either of paper or linen. 

Remember that the refreshments should be an un- 
important part of your entertainment. If the guests 
come for the food, there is something wrong with 
your party or else with your guests. 



a problem: who will solve it? 

Plan a class party. Will your invitations be formal or informal? 
Tell why you think one or the other is better for this occasion. 
What are you going to say in the invitation? 



CHAPTER X 



Entertainment 

If you are entertaining a group of people, be sure 
that the entertainment is of a kind in which all can 
take part. Do not have dancing if you know that one 
or two of your guests do not dance, unless you have 
provided other entertainment for them, or they them- 
selves insist that they would enjoy watching. 

Be equally agreeable to all guests. See that you 
get an opportunity to be friendly to each one. Look 
out especially for shy guests, or H ^ } Hrf ^ 
those who are strangers to most of 
the people present. Try to make them feel at ease by 
bringing them into the conversation, explaining to 
them the things about which you are talking. Give 
the rest of the group a little information about strangers, 
so that they can more easily converse with them; for 
example, "Mary has just come to Philadelphia to live. 
Tell us about your experience down town this morning, 
Mary. Did you get lost?" 

If you ask a guest to sing or play, make it very clear 
that you really would like to have her or him do it, 
but do not continue urging after a definite refusal. 
You may spoil the pleasure of a guest by being too 
insistent. The latter may not feel able to gratify you, 
yet may feel that it is impossible to continue to refuse 

41 



42 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



your request without being rude. If a subject of con- 
versation is touched upon which you know may be dis- 
agreeable to one of your guests, it is your place to turn 
the conversation into another channel. 

When you are invited, come at the time set by your 
host or hostess. If you are asked to come at eight, that 



lunch, try to arrive not more than ten minutes before 
the hour set, unless your hostess has particularly invited 
you to come earlier. 

Take an interested part in the entertainment pro- 
vided, even though it is not the kind you would have 
chosen. It is very selfish and rude to withdraw to a 
corner with one or two others and laugh and talk with 
them, while you take no part in the games planned. 
If each one does his best to make the party a success, 
it will be the best kind of success for all. 

If people sing or play the piano for your gratification, 
listen without talking. It is the height of rudeness to talk 
at such a time, and is very disconcerting to the performer. 

Do not grow too noisy. You can have a good 
time without shrieking. Remember that the 



mirth. 

Do your part in giving the shy guest and the stranger 
a happy time. Do not imagine that such a guest is 



Don't excite the cook! 



is when you are wanted, not at 
nine. If invited to dinner or 



Use the loud needle 
on the victrola 
sparingly! 



neighbors may be forming a 
poor opinion of your hostess be- 
cause of the loudness of your 



ENTERTAINMENT 



43 



entertained by hearing you converse gaily with others 
on subjects that are unknown to him. You must 
make him feel that he is one of your number. 

If entertained in the evening, do not stay too late. 
The time when refreshments are served gives an indi- 
cation of the time your hostess expects you to depart. 
Usually from three-quarters of an hour to an hour after 
refreshments are served is an appropriate time to take 
your leave. When leaving, shake hands with the hostess 
and tell her how much you have enjoyed the evening. 
If there is a guest in whose honor the party has been 
given, shake hands with her too. If this was your 
first time of meeting her, tell her how glad you are to 
have had this opportunity of knowing her and express 
your hope that you will meet her again; for example, 
"Good night, Clara. I'm so glad Anna has given 
us an opportunity to meet you. I hope to see you 
again if Anna has not filled all your time, " etc. If you 
have met her before, tell her how pleasant it is 
to see her again. If the guest of honor is a boy he 
should receive a similar cordial farewell. Be sure to 
say good night to the parents of your hostess — telling 
them how greatly you have enjoyed the party. 

If you are obliged to leave before the others do, it 
may be well to say good night quietly and to slip away 
without attracting the attention 
of the other guests. If, however, Th * y c ? n get dong 

* • -xt! wlthout y° u - 

you are on very tnendly terms with 

them all, it is pleasanter just to pause in the doorway 



44 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



and say, " Good night, everybody." The main point 
in making your exit is to express your appreciation 
to every one who has had a hand in entertaining you, 
and at the same time to make your going inconspicu- 
ous. Remember, it is not a feature of the evening's 
entertainment. 

problems: who will solve them? 

1. Why not have a class party? Divide into various commit- 
tees, plan the games and refreshments, send out invitations, and 
give the party. Be sure that every member of the class takes part 
in some way. 

2. Report on actual parties that you have given or to which you 
have been invited. Were these parties successes? Why, or why 
not? 

3. Which of your social duties embarrass or trouble you most? 
Can you discover why? 

4. Add other slogans to this one : 

Good manners always demand that you remember the other fellow! 



CHAPTER XI 

Dress 

In dress, as in other things, individuality will out, 

but its expression should never be allowed to carry 

you to the point where you become conspicuous by 

reason of it. Good taste in clothing is usually an index 

of good breeding and culture, just as good taste in the 

other arts is. Your apparel should never " proclaim " 

you — on the other -hand, dignity of bearing and gra- 

ciousness of manner are sufficient to subdue almost 

anything you may wear. School 

i -i • ! . it Don't try to be a 

and business clothing may be dis- fashion p late# 

tinctive even though built along 

simple and sensible lines. Avoid extremes, for they 

usually stamp you as ordinary. 

Boys have less difficulty in the matter of dress than 

girls, but frequently boys take a fancy to clothes of an 

extreme cut or to bright-colored neckties and socks. 

Well-tailored men usually see to it that their shirts, 

ties, and socks harmonize with their suits and that 

their suits and coats are well fitted, but conservatively 

cut. 

Nevertheless, the fact that you are conservative in 
your dress does not mean that you may stop or turn 
and stare at some one else who is conspicuous because 
of odd or extreme dress. The words of a Greek phi- 

45 



46 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



losopher are quite applicable in this connection — "He 
who first laughs is the barbarian/' 

Girls should be inconspicuously dressed at all times. 
This simple rule is not so simple as it seems nor is it easy 



sure, if we were all made on exactly the same 
pattern, and if we all dressed in exactly the same 
style, it would be easy to be inconspicuous, in fact, 
almost impossible to be anything else. But we are 
not all the same. Some of us are short and fat, and 
some of us are tall and thin. In consequence, the 
style of dress that s becoming to one may make the 
other wearer ridiculous. The tall slim girl may look 
well in a very short and narrow skirt, but no short 
fat girl would ever be tempted to wear one if she could 
see herself from the rear. If you wish, therefore, to be 
inconspicuously and becomingly dressed, you should 
consult your mirror rather than the fashion books for 
many details, for dress is an individual matter. 

There are, however, certain rules which everybody 
may keep in mind. In choosing the costume for school, 



care. No girl can do her best work if she must at the 
same time be careful that a delicate dress is not being 
soiled or torn. Fabrics that tear easily, ruffles that muss 



Don't let your 
clothes be noisy. 



to follow. Some people think that, 
at all costs, one must be dressed 
in the prevailing fashion. To be 



Does it suit the 
occasion? 



one must consider its suitability for 
the occasion. It should not be so 
elaborate that it requires constant 



DRESS 



47 



and soon look untidy, and velvets that catch the dust 
are not practical for school wear. Many public and 
private schools suggest as the uniform dress a dark 
skirt and a washable middy blouse. Such a costume is 
practical and economical and generally becoming. It 
can be kept in good order, and the blouse laundered 
with small expense and effort. A plain suit with a 
simple white waist is a substitute for the girl to whom 
the middy blouse is unbecoming. The waist should be 
plain, for the elaborate ones are too delicate for constant 
wear and frequent laundering. Moreover, they are not 
in good taste for school. Simple dresses are also suitable 
for school, but a little more difficult to keep clean. If a 
woolen or a plain silk dress is worn, it is advisable 
to have a separate waist lining with shields attached 
that can be laundered as often as necessary. Such 
dresses should be aired and sunned frequently and 
sponged with gasoline or other cleanser. It is imprac- 
tical and also in very bad taste to wear cast-off party 

dresses to school. If one's best AXx t ■ 

. , After the ball! 

dress must m time become one s 

school dress, it should always be chosen with that end 

in ^ T iew. 

The same principles of simplicity and suitability 
apply to the choice of shoes. For general wear, girls 
will find that shoes with dark leather tops are more 
serviceable than those with light-colored tops. The 
latter soil easily and are difficult to keep clean. All 
shoes will last much longer and look well to the last if 



48 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



kept in good repair and polished frequently. High 
French heels are uncomfortable, bad for the health, and 
tend to make one walk awkwardly. The straight, rather 
flat heels are businesslike, comfortable, better for the 
feet, and incidentally much better looking. Appre- 

Why walk on stilts? ci^tion of the beauty of normal 
foot development should take pre- 
cedence over silly adherence to a fashion that decrees 
stilt-like heels and needle-point toes. Many who are 
definitely trying to guide their lives along the most 
hygienic lines have not passed, in foot intelligence at 
least, beyond the stage of the Chinese foot-binders. 
In fact, the Chinese show greater discrimination in the 
matter, since foot-binding is limited to ladies of high 
caste, who will always, presumably, be carried about by 
coolies. In America, working girls, who need sensible, 
appropriate foot gear, are among the worst offenders. 

Clothing has a practical as well as an aesthetic value, 
and in choosing it we should strive to satisfy each. 
Some persons, judging from the way in which they 
adorn themselves, seem to lose sight of the practical 
value of clothes and to regard the body as a kind of 
human Christmas tree upon which to hang any and 
all ornaments that they can acquire. Jewelry as a rule 
should not be worn by young people; the excessive use 
of it is in very bad taste. Hands 
Do you glitter like loaded with rings do not look ready 
a jewelry counter? * . , 4A , J 

tor work. A school ring and at the 

most one other ring are sufficient adornment for a girl. 



DRESS 



49 



Necklaces are apt to be a nuisance. Earrings and 
fancy combs are in bad taste and tend to make the 
wearer look tawdry. 

The wearing of much jewelry always marks you as a 
person of poor taste. This is even more true of boys than 
of girls. A boy should never wear but one ring, if any, 
and that should be of the plainest sort — a signet ring, 
perhaps. Diamonds or cut stones of any kind are out 
of place on a man's hand, or in his necktie. If a necktie 
pin is worn, it should be small and inconspicuous, and 
there should be no unnecessary chains, pins, charms, 
or other jewelry in evidence. 

The hair should be simply and becomingly arranged. 

This again is an individual matter, but one should be 

warned against adopting the ex- 

. ,1 * • l? i_ * j Have you a hair 

treme styles. A girl s hair waved mattress? 

softly over the ears is pretty, but 

extending in solid buns on either side of the head is 

grotesque. The shape of one's head and face rather 

than the style of one's neighbor should be the 

guide. 

The girl or boy who is properly dressed may spoil 

the whole effect by failing to be clean. No one, of 

course, needs to be reminded that 

an unclean body is an offense to Tr ^ a H * fle soap 
, , , , , , . and water. 

one s neighbors, but we sometimes 

overlook the fact that there are other ways in which 
we make ourselves objectionable. If woolen or other 
non-washable garments are not sufficiently aired, if the 



50 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



underwear is not changed often enough, if the hair is 
not washed frequently, one cannot expect to be dainty. 
A failure to be careful in these respects is particularly 
offensive in a crowded classroom. Perfumes and highly 
scented powders are not a substitute for cleanliness. 
Face powders and rouge are not a successful substitute 
for a clean, clear skin. The girl who uses highly 
scented soaps, powders, and perfumes, and who covers 
her face with cosmetics, lays herself open to the sus- 



scented and never apparent. The face with the whit- 
ened nose and chin looks absolutely clownish. Per- 
fumes should never be used by boys. 

In choosing underwear, remember that it must stand 
frequent laundering, and avoid delicate styles for every- 
day wear. For girls, knitted or crepe underwear is 
commendable; it is easily laundered and requires no 
ironing. The girl who is one of a large family in which 
the laundry is a problem can wash out at night this 
k ! nd of underwear, and thus with ittle effort be pro- 
vided with a clean suit each day. 

Boys must be sure that their collars are immaculate; 
their clothes well brushed; their shoes in good repair 
and polished at the back as well as across the front. A 
clean white pocket handkerchief should always be 
carried. Care in these matters, along with clean skin, 
clean underwear, clean fingernails, neatly brushed hair, 



Of course the circus 
would require it. 



picion that there is something to 
hide. If powder is used, it should 
be unscented or very delicately 



DRESS 



51 



and shining white teeth will go far toward making a 
boy a success both at home, in school, and at work. 



problems: who will solve them? 

1. Arrange a scene for the Assembly: Let several girls appear 
on the platform, some of them suitably, some of them unsuitably, 
dressed for school. Let another girl explain how each girl is or is not 
putting into practice what she knows or should know about dress. 

2. Plan a fashion show, illustrating dresses for different occasions. 

3. Let a group of boys appear, some with careless, muddy 
boots, rumpled hair, soiled collars, no neck ties, while others are 
neatly dressed. Let another boy point out the details which must 
receive attention if the boy is to seem well groomed. 

4. Plan a scene in which an employer interviews several appli- 
cants. Show that neatness and suitability of dress count. Intro- 
duce into the scene some chance to show the importance of 
courtesy in manner. 

5. Plan other scenes. 

6. Add other slogans to this one: 

The apparel oft proclaims the man. — Shakespeare. 



CHAPTER XII 



Girls and Boys 

Every right sort of boy regards the friendship of any- 
right sort of a girl as a privilege. It is something to be 
won. For this reason he follows the age-old masculine 
prerogative of taking the initiative. He should, when- 
ever possible, first seek to know a girl in her home in 
order that her parents or guardian may be satisfied 
that she will be safe in his company. A boy should not 
shrink from meeting a girl's parents, or they may fear 
? that there is something about his 

e y won character or life that he wishes to 

snoot you. 

hide. It is a bit of an ordeal to face 
the inspection of the family, but if the girl is a good pal 
she will help to make it easy. No young man, however, 
should accept frequent hospitality without offering some 
return. This does not mean that he must spend a great 
deal of money on the girl. A girl who accepts a boy's at- 
tention because of his lavish spending of money shows 
greediness and vulgarity. But the boy should want her 
to share his pleasures. He might invite her to a dance, a 

baseball game, or perhaps to the 
Some people have a theatre Jf ^ ^ tion 

good time with a ™r - 

bag of pop corn. means greater expense than the boy 
can afford, and the girl knows it, 
she should discourage it. Often, this can be done very 

52 



GIRLS AND BOYS 



53 



easily and tactfully by proposing some other way of 
passing the evening — letting the boy feel that she would 
rather call on a friend, or walk to the park, or see a good 
moving picture. If a boy wants his appreciation to 
take the form of presents, flowers, candy, music, or 
books are always in good taste. 

If a girl accepts a boy's invitation to a dance, the boy 
arranges to call for his companion at her home and, of 
course, acts as her escort both to and from the affair. 




He may provide flowers. 



If a definite time for starting has been agreed upon, it 
is a matter of courtesy for a girl to be ready on time. 
When the girl is very young, or when her parents are 
notably particular, it is polite for her escort to ascertain 
the time at which her parents wish her to reach home. 
If the boy's finances permit, he may provide flowers 
for the girl, in which case he often consults her prefer- 
ence so that they may harmonize with her dress. It is 
customary for an escort to claim the first and last 
dances as well as the dance just preceding and the one 



54 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



following the intermission. He sees that the girl has 
partners for the various numbers — also, when refresh- 
ments are in order, that she is served. He assumes the 
responsibility for her enjoyment. The boys whose 
names appear on her program, or others whom she may 

know, or to whom she may be intro- 
e you nervous duced, ask, "May I have this 
about the new steps? ' J . 

dance? She answers graciously, 

" Yes, you may," or "I think you may/' or "I'm sorry, 
but this dance is taken." At the end of a dance, it is the 
boy's place to express the pleasure the dance has 
afforded him. His partner replies, "I am glad you 
enjoyed it," or "I enjoyed it, too." Both boys and 
girls should be careful to dance in such a way as to 
avoid giving the impression that they do not come 
from homes of refinement. 

If boys and girls ask a teacher or other older friend 
to chaperon a party or other gathering they should 
treat her, on the occasion, as an honored guest. It is 
the height of rudeness to be neglectful of your chaperon. 

At the theatre, if an usher shows a boy and girl to 

their seats, the girl should go ahead of the boy. If no 

usher is there, the boy goes first to find the seats, but 

when he reaches the row, he should stand aside, and let 

the girl pass in ahead of him. Both should remember that 

well-bred people do not talk or 
Don't laugh at , , n . £ 

the wrong time? munch cand y duru « the Perform- 

ance of a play. The boy should 

be attentive to his companion in the matter of assisting 



GIRLS AND BOYS 



55 



her with her wraps, providing her with a program, and 
so forth. Upon their arrival at her home after the theatre, 
it is not customary, if the hour is late, for the girl to ask 
her escort into the house. It is only common courtesy, 
however, for her to thank him for the evening's entertain- 
ment, and to invite him to call at another time. He sees 
her safely inside her home before he takes his leave. If 
she has a key, he unlocks the door for her. 

In their relations with boys, girls receive exactly the 
deference and courtesy that they demand. Boys who 
desire the friendship of certain girls will measure up to 
whatever standards those girls set. Hence, the respon- 
sibility for maintaining a well-mannered, high-minded 
society rests very largely upon its girlhood. It seems, 
therefore, only reasonable that a girl should expect of 
a boy, 

To raise his hat when greeting her or parting 
from her. 

To refrain from lounging against walls or pillars 
when talking to her. 

To stand when talking to a girl who is 
standing. 

To walk on the outside, instead of the inside of 
the walk, when escorting a girl, and not to sand- 
wich himself between two girls when walking with 
them. 

To refrain from swearing and vulgarity. 
To find out whether smoking annoys the girl 
before lighting a cigarette or cigar. 



56 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



To avoid jostling against her, or grabbing her 
arm, or other familiarity. (On the girl's part, it is 
extremely bad taste under ordinary circumstances 
to take a boy's arm. A boy should not take a girl's 
arm except to assist her. He may do so when 
boarding a car, crossing a crowded street, or pilot- 
ing her in a dangerous place.) 
If the boy thoughtlessly or carelessly disregards any 
of these marks of courtesy, the girl can easily help him 



I y i, _ — . H i y \ 

I T 7 ~~ " r 




Boys, be courteous to all women and girls, — not merely to those 
you know. 



to be more considerate, and less of a boor. A simple 
suggestion, made in a friendly way, should be well 
received. If it is not, the boy's 
friendship is not worth having. 
Resentment at an intended kind- 
ness shows a vain, crude disposition. A boy with such 
a nature will make you blush for him many times. On 



Don't hurt her 
feelings. 



GIRLS AND BOYS 



57 



the other hand, girls, do not nag because a boy is slow 
in learning. If he shows that he wants to be considerate, 
but is clumsy and awkward, help him out — show your 
appreciation of his efforts. 

At times, a boy's help may be needed to improve the 
standards of the girl. The latter can scarcely be ex- 
pected to believe that make-up is ^ 
f , ' ., ± , , t t How does he know 

bad form if the boys she knows ap- what she reaUy 

parently admire it. If girls realized looks 

that boys often think it a weakness, 

which they do not like, but accept merely because 

the user is jolly and pleasant, girls would be more 

willing to retain a natural appearance and dispense 

with rouge and excessive powder. 

To see that our own manners are above criticism is 
not enough. If we are sincerely interested in our friends, 

we want to help them all we can to _ , A t t ■ 

r ^ u i. 4-u 4. - • 4-u 1)011 * knock; boost! 

hve up to the best that is m them 

— not through sarcasm, nor teasing, nor laughing at 

them, but through an honest, friendly, sympathetic 

interest in seeing them advance to the highest point 

possible. 

problems: who will solve them? 

1. Plan a scene in which a group of boys and girls are eating ice 
cream, or drinking sodas in a drug store or in a confectioner's. 
Have other groups stand waiting while these young people selfishly 
linger at the table, laughing and talking. Let the scene, also, 
show some boys politely helping to seat girls, while other boys, 
with hats on, lounge into] seats .first themselves. Add to the scene 



58 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



other incidents which might occur at a time like this to show the 
good or bad manners of the people present. 

2. Plan other similar scenes to dramatize. 

3. Ask your physical training teacher to get for you the rules of 
the National Association of Dancing Teachers. Discuss these rules 
and note whether you are following them. 



CHAPTER XIII 



Gifts 

It is very easy to be selfish in giving presents. 

A little boy once bought his father a Kiddie Kar; 
a woman presented her husband with a vacuum cleaner; 
a girl gave her mother a pendant which she knew her 




Choose suitable gifts. A little boy once bought his father a Kiddie Kar. 

mother would be sure to allow her to wear. What do you 
think of such selections as these? 

Do you always try to consider carefully just what 
the person to whom you are giving would really like to 
have? It takes thought and tact to find the present 
that is "just right. " It does not necessarily take a 
large sum of money. 

Sometimes it is more considerate not to give presents 
at all. For instance, boys and girls often plan to give 

59 



60 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



class presents to their teacher. Isn't it better not 
to try to do something which forces every child in a 
class either to give toward a present 



and responsiveness from their pupils are gifts which 
teachers appreciate far more than things which money 
can buy. 

The habit of sending cards of greeting at Christmas 
and other anniversaries is becoming more and more 
popular. If gifts are to be given, remember that boys 
may give girls flowers, candy, a book, or a bit of music 
perhaps, if they wish, but not jewelry, silk stockings, 
gloves, or other personal articles. As a rule, girls 
offer boys the hospitality of their homes rather than 
other gifts. 

If we receive a gift, a letter of thanks should be 
written immediately. This letter should be so worded 
that the one who receives it will feel the sincere appre- 
ciation behind the words. While we should not forget 
courtesies shown us, we should not hurry to give a gift 
in return. It is unpleasant to feel that one is being 
u paid back" immediately for something given. It is 
better not to be so lavish with presents that our friends 
will feel under constant obligations to us. If we are 
sure that our gifts always represent nothing but our 
sincere desire to give pleasure to some one else, and if 
we exercise good taste and tact, we cannot go far 
wrong in this difficult matter of giving presents. 



It is the giver, not 
the gift, that counts. 



or to explain his reasons for re- 
fusing. Good will, understanding, 



GIFTS 



61 



a problem: who will solve it? 

Plan a list of suitable birthday or Christmas gifts for the following: 
Your father, mother, sister, brother, a boy friend, a girl friend, 
a baby, an invalid. Compare your lists and discuss their relative 
merits. 



PART TWO 

IN SCHOOL 



CHAPTER XIV 



Assembly Manners 

The assembly is the place where the school as a 
whole most closely touches the world outside. This 
is the place where students attend lectures, musicales, 
and plays; hence there is no better place to practice 
the manners which are pleasing in all public auditori- 
ums. Then, too, it is the place where student govern- 
ment reveals its strength or its weakness. A student 
body with a strong sense of school pride will sustain 
a high level of assembly conduct, Your alma mater 
but a school that lacks this fine doesn't want any 
spirit will have to be spurred on step-children, 
by the authority of its faculty to a behavior that is 
not embarrassing in the presence of visitors. There 
are certain observances that are essential to an ideal 
assembly, many of which apply equally to any public 
gathering. 

Start early enough so that it is not necessary to rush 
to reach the assembly before the last bell rings. 

When you take your seat be careful to enter from the 
side nearest your seat, in order to disturb as few people 
as possible. 

Be prompt to obey the signal to stand or to be seated. 
Do not change your seat until the signal to do so 
has been given by the principal or your teacher. In 

65 



66 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



making the change remember that you can show your 
appreciation of the better seats by moving as quietly 
as possible. 

When any one is speaking be absolutely attentive. 
If you are unable to hear, prove your self-control by 



Refrain from whispering, from reading a paper or a 
book, from eating, from arranging your hair or cleaning 
your finger nails, in other words, from doing anything 
which shows discourtesy to the one who is conducting 
the assembly and at the same time reveals your own 
lack of breeding. 

If any one enters from the side or rear doors, do 
not allow your curiosity to lead you to turn your 
head. The attention of a whole section can be dis- 
tracted by such conduct. 

When a piano or violin selection has been played, 
be quite sure that the performer has finished before 
you begin to applaud. 

Do not continue your applause when it is evident 
that the one who has performed does not care to 
give an encore. Enthusiastic applause is pleasing, but 
when overdone, it is often embarrassing to the one 
whom you wish to honor. 

In a public gathering remember that it is rude to 
leave before the meeting is over unless this is abso- 
lutely necessary. If you must leave, do so quietly, that 
you may not distract the attention of those who remain. 



Look pleasant, please ! 



remaining just as quiet as though 
you heard every word. 



ASSEMBLY MANNERS 67 



If you are seized by an attack of coughing which 
you cannot control, leave the room as quietly as possible. 

In general, remember so to conduct yourself that 
you in no way make yourself conspicuous or disturb 
any one else in the gathering. 



PROBLEM 

Plan and give an oral composition on assembly courtesy. In 
order to show different points of view, some members of the class 
may pretend to be each of the following : 

A principal 

A teacher 

A guest from out of town 

The father or mother of a student 

A new pupil 



CHAPTER XV 



Good Manners in the Corridors 

Whenever people congregate in large numbers it is 
necessary for each individual to be respectful of every 
other individual's rights and privileges. This is the 
case in school and particularly is it true of the corridors 
when the students are passing from one classroom to 
another, to the assembly room, or to the lunch room. 
However, if every one will remember a few simple 
rules, much of the congestion and confusion, now 
common, can be obviated. 

Keep to the right, and pass quietly and quickly. If 

you are tempted to saunter along aimlessly or to rush 

madly, remember how you felt 
You can do it with- , i_i 1 j 

out a traffic officer. ^ hen J 0Ur P as f & W ™ ' blocked 
by a boy or girl who did not ob- 
serve the traffic rules. 

Watch where you are going in order to avoid colli- 
sions. If, however, you are unfortunate enough to 
have been the cause of a collision, remember to apolo- 
gize, and try not to offend again in like manner. 

Do not block the passageway by stopping in the 
middle of the corridor to talk to a friend. Ask him or 
her to step to one side where others will not be pre- 
vented from passing. 

68 



GOOD MANNERS IN THE CORRIDORS 69 



Remember to go up to the person to whom you wish 
to speak instead of shouting from a distance. 

When you open the classroom door to allow a teacher 
or pupil to enter, be careful to do so in such manner 
that you do not block the passageway. 

Be extremely careful not to run the risk of injur- 
ing some one by rushing out of m t t 

f~py . 1 We don't want 
the classroom doors. Try to do the ^ bulance . 

your part in leaving a passageway 

through the corridor before school and at dismissal. 

When you get your own wraps from the locker be 
careful not to drop the clothing of another. If you 
should do so, do not fail to hang the garment up again. 

If you are waiting for the elevator, form a single line 
at one side of the hall, being careful to face in the line of 
direction. When the line becomes too long, a good 
plan is to form in couples, the second person becoming 
the partner of the first by stepping obliquely forward 
to his left; fourth person becoming the partner of the 
third, and so on to the end of the line. The one on the 
right should enter the elevator first to prevent any 
possible congestion. If a teacher is also waiting for the 
elevator, allow her to enter first. 

Have sufficient pride in your school to help keep 
the corridors, stairs, and lavatories 



may see on the floor; make that a part of your own duty 
to your school. 



clean. Do not wait for the janitor 
to come to pick up the paper you 



Every week is clean- 
up week in school. 



70 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



Do not deface the walls of your school building 
with any kind of marking. The boy or the girl who 
writes on the walls of a building or who idly allows his 
pencil to be drawn along the walls is guilty of a serious 
misdemeanor. 

problems: who will solve them? 

1. Plan a scene, partly in pantomime, partly in dialogue, in which 
a group of boys and girls show the right and the wrong way to 
move through a crowded hall. 

2. Think of as many ways as possible in which girls and boys 
can show to a class or to the school the advantages of obeying 
traffic rules in all crowded places. 

3. Add other slogans to this one : 

The gentle mind by gentle deeds is knowne. — Spenser. 



CHAPTER XVI 



Classroom Manners 

The traffic rule, Keep to the right, applies to class- 
rooms as well as to streets and corridors. If you keep 
to the right, and leave a passageway at your left, you 
will make entrances and exits easy. 

A bag or strap for your books is convenient. If you 
keep your belongings together, you are less likely to 
lose or mislay your books and papers, and you are more 
likely to be really prepared with everything you need 
for your work. 

When you enter a classroom, go at once to your 
own seat. Put into your desk everything you will not 
need for that period. Nothing looks worse than a 
roomful of desks littered with piles of books, packages 
of lunch, baseball gloves, and oranges. 

Never borrow books, inkwells, pens, or pencils from 
the teacher's or a pupil's desk without asking permis- 
sion. Never sit in the teacher's 

chair unless the chairmanship of And !?™ SUr l, t0 

' , , u . * , say, "May I" — 

the lesson has been given over to not « Can j „ 

you. Never stand close beside a 
teacher's desk, except when talking to her. The books 
and papers on her desk are her private property. You 
have no more right to examine her papers or read any 
writing there than you have to read other people's letters. 

71 



72 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



Put your waste paper in the basket provided for that 
purpose. A desk filled with waste paper has no room 
for the books of the boy or girl who may come next. A 
floor littered with papers indicates that you are careless. 

All your textbooks should be covered. Perhaps 
the best covering is heavy paper, which may be removed 
when it is worn or dirty. A covered book is more 
hygienic for your own use, and can be handed on to its 
next possessor in clean condition. 

If a teacher is not present when the last bell rings, 
some pupil should start the lesson. He should make a 
list of absentees and a list of excuse notes, and leave 
these on the teacher's desk as a record of the period over 
which he has presided. The class should give the 
pupil chairman the same attentive, courteous, and 
helpful response that is given the teacher. 

There are certain things to remember for every 

recitation. When you recite, stand correctly; do not 

^ , slump, do not lean on your desk 

Attention! ^ . J 

as u you were using your last bit of 

energy. Speak in a clear and distinct voice, so that 
every one in the room may hear. Do not try to talk 
loudly; adjust your voice to the size of the room. Pitch 
your voice low; a high voice is likely to become un- 
pleasant. 

Interruptions of any sort are just as rude in the class- 
room as anywhere else. If you raise your hand while 
another pupil is reciting, you interrupt him. Often the 
sight of hands waved madly in the air breaks one's 



CLASSROOM MANNERS 73 



train of thought and makes it impossible for one to go 
on. If you wish to ask or answer a question, wait 
until the one who is reciting has finished and until the 
teacher recognizes you. Try to break the hand- waving 
habit. 

If a teacher is occupied with another pupil, wait your 

turn for assistance. Be careful not „ _ il 
. i . j ii Your turn next! 
to interrupt a teacher who is talk- 
ing to some one else, or to stand so close as to overhear 
the conversation 

Never ask a new question until the one previously 
asked has been answered. That, too, is an interruption. 
Do not answer a question addressed to some one else. 

If you correct some one, do it tactfully. It is often 
the manner in which the correction is made, not the 
correction itself, that hurts. The one who is corrected 
should accept the criticism courteously. 

Do not make fun of others' mistakes. To laugh 
reasonably at an amusing remark or happening is 
natural, but it is rude and un- . 
kind to make a boy or girl feel „ ' on 
ridiculous. 

If you must enter a classroom while the lesson is in 
progress, disturb the teacher and class as little as 
possible. 

At the end of the period, do not gather up your books 
until the signal for dismissal has been given. Never 
rattle paper or stand poised for flight while some one is 
talking. 



74 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



If you are the first one to leave the room, fasten the 
door back. If it cannot be fastened, hold it open for 
the person behind you. He should hold it open for 
himself as soon as he reaches the door. Doors should 
never be slammed, but always closed quietly. 

Before you go to assembly leave your books in a 
safe place, out of other people's way. Books or bags 
left on the floor are always stumbled over; sometimes 
they cause accidents. 



problems: what answers can you give to these 

questions? 

1. Do you always rise when you are addressed by the principal 
or a teacher? 

2. Are you quick to show little courtesies such as erasing the 
blackboard, or offering a chair and a book to a visitor? 

3. Are you courteous to all school employees at all times? 

4. On entering either the main office or one of the department 
offices, are you careful not to interrupt any one in order to transact 
your own business, even if to avoid doing so you must go away and 
return later? 

5. Are you particular not to say "Sure" or "Yes Ma'am" or to 
grunt "Uh-huh" when you mean "Yes, Miss Blank," or "Yes, 
certainly," or " Yes, I did," etc.? 

6. Are you careful to refer to a person by name and not as "he" 
or "she"? 

7. When visitors are in the school, do you try not to seem curious 
and not to be conspicuous in any way? 



CHAPTER XVII 



Lunch Room Manners 



There is no better place than the school lunch room 
for the revelation of the real breeding of a boy or girl. 
If you are rude and inconsiderate 



place in line at the lunch counter; 
you will probably pile your belongings on the table 
with your food; and, unless some one reminds you, it 
is likely that you will leave your dishes on the table 
after you have finished. Here are some of the things 
that will help to make your lunch period pleasant if 
you will remember them: 

Be too self-respecting to go to the lunch room with 
dirty hands. You don't want your friends to feel as 
Charles Lamb did when he said to an acquaintance, 
" If dirt were trumps, what hands you would hold." 

Never rush nor elbow your way for first place 
in line. 

Be courteous to those who serve the food. 

Be sure to watch where you are going, so as to avoid 
collision with some one who is carrying food. 

Use the table for lunch only, not as a resting place 
for your books or gym shoes, nor as a study table. 

You lack a sense of fair play if you reserve several 



of your family at home, you will, no 
doubt, push and shove to get first 



Remember, it isn't 
the Mad Hatter's tea 
party. 



75 



76 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



seats for your own particular group of friends, shutting 
out those who have arrived. 

If you leave your used dishes and your crumbs on 
the lunch table you are unjust to those who follow you. 

Remember that at the lunch table you reveal to the 
other boys or girls the kind of table manners you prac- 
tice when you are at home. 



Be as careful about the small courtesies of the table 
as you would be if you were a guest in the home of a 
friend. 

problems: who will solve them? 

1. If your school has a lunch room, in what ways can the stu- 
dents make it pleasanter and more successful? 

2. Add other slogans to this one: 

Eat and drink as friends. — Shakespeare. 



Leave roaring 
to the lions. 



A loud voice is as rough and un- 
pleasant in the lunch room as in 
the corridors. 



CHAPTER XVIII 
Student Government 

If you have a Students' Association, remember that 
the officers are girls and boys that you yourselves have 
chosen, and give them the respect and cooperation 
which is their due. When they give directions, or make 
rules, show your mettle by helping to carry out their 
regulations. To defy them or ignore their instructions 
is to show yourself weak and foolish, and unworthy to 
demand respect or courtesy from others. 

Student government gives you your best opportunity 
to train for the responsibilities and duties of citizenship. 
If you are elected to an office, do 
your best work for the group you j^^'p^j^ 
are called upon to serve To be- for the people." 
come in any way overbearing or 
dictatorial in your manners shows that you are abso- 
lutely unfit to hold office. Do not forget that you are 
a public servant and let all your work be done with 
courtesy and tact. 

a problem: who will solve it? 

What are some of the common errors in courtesy to be met in a 
Students' Association and how can they best be eliminated? 



77 



CHAPTER XIX 



Manners in Games 

Play fair. Play with all your might, and never lose 
your temper. If you lose, be a good sport. This applies 
whether the game is a private one in your own home, 
one in your school, or one between your school and 
another school. Do not spend any time explaining how 
you happened to lose, but give due credit to the superior 
playing of your opponent. In any public game, or any 




Lose the game gracefully and 



formally arranged tournament, it is customary to shake 
hands, as a sign of good feeling and congratulation, both 
before and after the match. Whether your team wins 
or loses it should cheer the opponents at the close of the 
game. 

If you win, be a good sport, too. This is often harder 
than if you lose. Do not gloat over the defeat of your 

78 



MANNERS IN GAMES 79 



opponent, but put him at ease by your friendliness and 
generous spirit. Some such speech as, "This must be 
my lucky day," or "I certainly enjoyed that game — 
you gave me a good fight," helps to soften the dis- 
appointment of defeat. 

If failure to win a game was due to one person on 
your side, do not pitch into him about it. If it was in- 
tentional, never play with him 

K- r i ii He may have been 

unintentional, and he f j 7 fe 

feels badly, say to him, " Cheer up 

— it was a good game — lots of fun — I'll be glad to 




don't boast when you win. 



try it again." After all, a game is a game. Do not 
spoil it by making it a battle royal. 

If you attend a game in a group, keep your merriment 
within your group. It is quite possible to have a 
thoroughly good time, without having your neighbors 
on the car, or elsewhere, think what noisy, ill-bred boys 
and girls you are. 



80 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



problems: who will solve them? 

1 . What books, stories, or poems have you read that show instances 
of courtesy in sport? 

2. Describe instances that you yourself have witnessed. 

3. Add other slogans to this one: 

He who laughs at others 1 woes 
Finds few friends and many foes 



PART THREE 

IN PUBLIC PLACES 



1 



CHAPTER XX 



In Trolley Cars and on the Street 

"I am a part of all that I have met." 

Tennyson has put these wordsj into the mouth of 
Ulysses, and if you think a little, you will realize the 
peculiar responsibility which rests upon each one of us. 
Consciously or unconsciously, we imitate mannerisms 
of speech and dress, of behavior and thought. We, in 
turn, create an environment for others. We should 
strive, then, to develop within ourselves a " manners " 
consciousness, sensitive to what is generous and beauti- 
ful and just in human conduct, mindful that 

Evil is wrought by want of thought, 
As well as want of heart. 

There is no other place in which the spirit of chivalry 
seems so lacking as in our trolley cars and subways. 
Nor is there any other public place in which kindliness 
and cheerful cooperation are so wholly acceptable. 
The sight of strong young people, rushing to get on a 
car ahead of women and old people, is common. It is 
rather selfish, is it not, when you have so much strength 
to spare, and they may be weak and perhaps weary 
too? Stand aside, then, and let those who are infirm 
or riper in years precede you. If a girl is accompanied 
by a boy, she enters first. The boy assists her at the 

83 



84 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



step and, if she is his guest, pays her fare. On leaving 
he should alight first in order to assist her. When unes- 
corted, girls, have your fare ready and move into the 
car without being urged to do so by the conductor. A 
fraction of a second lost on you seems little, but if mul- 
tiplied by the hundreds of passengers who use the cars 
daily, it becomes sufficient to upset schedules which are 
essential to efficient traffic management. 

Always rise to give your seat to a much older person 
or to a cripple or to a mother carrying a child. Do so 
as quietly and tactfully as possible — then move 
away, thus delicately relieving the person from the 
embarrassment which may be felt in depriving you of 
your seat. 

This rule applies to girls, as well as boys. Boys should 
also rise for women, whether young or old, as women 
are physically less able to stand than are boys. 

Car aisles are often so congested that it is very diffi- 
cult to make one's way to the exit. Try to make 



when your turn comes. 

The keynote of good manners in public is unobtru- 
siveness. Loud talking and laughing will make you 



which you find yourself placed. Avoid using names in 
trolley car conversations. The world is a small place, 



"Step to the front 
of the car, please. 5 



it easier for the person struggling 
toward the door. You will expect 
the same consideration from others 



Put on the soft pedal. 



sharply conspicuous. Moderate 
your voice to suit the conditions in 



TROLLEY CARS AND THE STREET 85 



after all, and curious coincidences often happen. You 
have all had the experience of hearing a stranger in a 
public place discuss one of your friends or acquaint- 
ances — often in a most flippant and uncharitable 
way. As for gossip — shun it as you would the plague. 
If you hear an unsavory story about some one, let it go 
no further either in a trolley car or elsewhere. The 
generous nature is the one that " speaks no scandal, no, 
nor listens to it." 

Never chew gum in cars or in other public places. A 
mild-eyed cow, standing knee-deep in lush grass and 

placidly chewing her cud, is a more ^ „ ■ . 

i p i i tx- j. i i Park your chewing 

or less peaceful addition to a lovely gum outside> 

pastoral landscape. Not so the 
school girl or boy feverishly chewing a big wad of gum, 
and talking and gesticulating at the same time. If you 
must chew (and remember that chewing gum is not a 
refined habit), let it be within the four walls of your own 
particular room. Eating in street cars comes under the 
same ban. If you do not wish to be thought ill-bred, 
do not indulge in it. Nicety and refinement also demand 
that all personal habits should be attended to in the 
privacy of your own room. It is common enough to see 
manicuring being attended to in street cars. See that 
you are never one of the offenders in this particular. 

Just as unobtrusiveness is the quality that makes for 
street car demeanor, so is it the indisputable accom- 
paniment of street behavior. Propriety demands that 
this should be marked by quiet dignity of speech, dress, 



86 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



and movement. Avoid anything which tends to focus 
the attention of others upon you. Eating, chewing 
gum, loud talking, and laughing are as bad here as in 
trolley cars. 

Crowded sidewalks and crossings offer as many 
opportunities for pushing as do our conveyances. 




Chewing a wad of gum is not necessary, 



Make a special effort to see that you are not the ag- 
gressor. Keep to the right always. If you are walk- 
ing two or three abreast and feel that you are likely to 
crowd some one who is approaching, the member of 
your group who is at the outside of the walk should 
step behind the one next to him, thus making it pos- 
sible for that person to step to the edge of the walk. 
If this does not give room enough, the one who is now 
at the edge of the walk should fall behind the one in 
front of him. The responsibility rests on the person 
who is at the outside of the walk. As he steps back- 



TROLLEY CARS AND THE STREET 87 



ward, he may, if necessary, touch the arm of his com- 
panion to guide him or her to the edge of the walk. 
If you do inadvertently collide with some one, say 
"Excuse me/' or "I'm very sorry." Meet such 
annoyances with good grace and forbear to display 
anger in tone or look. Remember that, as Chesterfield 




while chewing a cud is. 



tells us, "A man's own good breeding is the best security 

against other people's ill manners." 

If you meet some one to whom you think you must 

talk, do not stop on the sidewalk, but walk on in the 

direction in which your friend is 

going. If it happens that he is a f ght ^ ont f * ce ' 
f j . i i i ii forward march. 

boy and you are a girl, he should 

walk with you toward your destination — having first 
asked your permission to accompany you. 

Boys, be careful to raise your hats, not merely to 
older people, but also to girls of your acquaintance 



88 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



whom you meet. If you are walking with a girl and 
she speaks to some one, raise your hat, even if you do 
not know the person to whom she speaks. 

Remember always to speak to the parents of your 
friends, and to all older people of your acquaintance 
when you meet them or see them on the street. When 
you pass their homes, take the trouble to see if they 




If you have a civic conscience you will not drop waste material in 



are at the window, or on the front porch, and offer 
a pleasant — "Good morning, Mrs. Smith, " or other 



people indicates the kind of person you really are. Even 
a vulgar, ill-bred person will be courteous to one whose 
favor he seeks, but the person of real refinement is alike 
courteous to all. 

In these days of universal franchise, every boy or 
girl should have a very live civic conscience, together 



the street. 



Smile when you 
say it. 



suitable salutation. "Hello" is not 
a courteous way to greet an older 
person. Your courtesy to older 



TROLLEY CARS AND THE STREET 89 



with a sense of the duty toward those who have not as 
yet the civic "light." Therefore, you will, of course, 
not throw trash or paper into the street, but will carry 
it to such cans as are provided for its disposal. If you 
are walking out into the country, waste material should 
be burned and the fire carefully put out. 



PROBLEMS : WHO WILL SOLVE THEM? 

1 . Mention some especially pleasing examples of courtesy that you 
have noted in street cars or on crowded sidewalks. 

2. Dramatize a scene in which three people walking abreast meet 
one or two others on a narrow sidewalk. 



CHAPTER XXI 



Stations, Dining Cars, and Restaurants 

Much difficulty, inconvenience, unfavorable com- 
ment, and loss of temper might be avoided if people 
realized that public places are for the use of the public 
in general, and not for a few people or particular 
groups. Stations are a conspicuous example of this 
sort of abuse. 

At ticket windows one should keep in line and not 
attempt to crowd ahead of others or jostle them out of 



to have the approximate amount of money ready 
always facilitates the service at a ticket window. 

In one's effort to appear as fresh and attractive as 
possible, the use of the lavatory accommodations in 
train or station should not be abused. If there are 
others waiting for the mirror and washstand, make it 
your business to finish with these as quickly as possible. 
In return for the use of such accommodations every one 
ought to be willing properly to dispose of the toweling 
that he has used and to leave the wash stand in a pre- 
sentable condition. 

Stations should not be made meeting places on any 
occasion except when one is expecting guests or friends 



Help to make the 
service good. 



line; it may be quite as necessary 
for them to secure their tickets 
promptly as it is for you. Also, 



90 



STATIONS, DINING CARS, RESTAURANTS 91 



on an incoming train. When it is necessary for you 
to wait in a station, there should be no loud talking, 
laughing, nor parading about. A magazine or paper 
ought to keep you pleasantly occupied. 

Bureaus of information and uniformed attendants 
are to be found in all large stations. Both of these 
are to serve the public. Consequently, any questions 
you may have to ask should be directed to either of 
these sources of information. Strangers should never 
be questioned and any advances on their part should 
be promptly discouraged. 

When on a train, do not occupy more seat space 
than is yours by right. 

Eating in dining cars and restaurants presents a 
shghtly different problem from eating in one's home or 
in the home of a friend. If you are dining with some one, 
be considerate of the likes and dislikes of that person, also, 
if you are a guest, of his or her ability to pay for the 
food that you desire. The choice of D , t stuff 
food should be made as promptly 
as possible and no more should be ordered than you 
are reasonably sure you can eat. Waiters and waitresses 
or others in attendance should be courteously treated. 

If a boy takes a girl to a restaurant, and a waiter 
shows the way to the table, the girl should pass ahead 
of the boy. If they find the table themselves, the boy 
should go first and draw out the chair for the girl to 
sit down. 

When the meal is finished, do not continue to hold 



92 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



a table if others are waiting to be served. Do not spoil 
what might have been a very pleasant meal by asking 
for or using a toothpick. A toothpick is no more 
suited to public use than is a toothbrush. 



PROBLEM 

Discuss — 
Asking for information about trains 
Buying a ticket 
Asking to share a seat 
The dining car 
The sleeping car 
Arrival at a station 
Caring for one's baggage 



CHAPTER XXII 



Stores and Places of Amusement 



Good manners are often the direct result of a sympa- 
thetic understanding and a lack of selfishness. This 
may often be noted in connection with behavior in 
stores and places of amusement. 



courteous in all your dealings with 
them. You will not be exacting and curt, even 
though you may think you have cause to be so. You 
can make conditions easier for these workers by your 
own kindliness of tone, by waiting your turn, and by 
being a little patient when you think you are being 
served slowly or incompetently. 

Aisles in stores, with few exceptions, are narrow, 
and are intended for free passageways; therefore it 
behooves one not to crowd them by carrying on social 
intercourse there. There are chairs provided in the 
waiting rooms for people who wish to chat 

If you are caught in a crowd in an aisle or at a door- 
way, do not push or in any way make the crowding 
worse. Each one is as anxious to get on as you are, and 
pushing does not help. It only annoys the ones who 
are pushed and shows the bad manners of the persons 
who are doing the pushing. If you are caught in a 



If you think of the salespeople 
with consideration, you will be 



Remember that they 
have been standing 
all day. 



93 



94 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



crowd because of an accident in a store or other public 
place, and can help, do so; if not, get out of the way as 
speedily as possible, to give the injured person much- 
needed air, and the ones who can help, an opportunity 
to do so. 

It is discourteous to handle goods displayed unless 

you expect to buy, and even then, 
They might get ... ^ r , J \ , , . ' 

™ . . , it is more polite not to do so unless 
your finger prints! r 

ycur hands are clean, or un ess you 
have on clean, light-colored gloves 

Do not return purchased goods unless this is abso- 
lutely necessary, for to do so not only takes advantage 
of the store's courtesy, but also makes unnecessary 
work for the employees. 

If you have an appointment with any one, be prompt; 
and do not form the habit of waiting in aisles or in 
store vestibules for any length of time. Keep to the 
right in all aisles and passageways, and be careful not 
to let the swinging doors fly back on the persons follow- 
ing you in or out. If you see a woman with a baby, 
or some one who is feeble or lame, or burdened with 
packages, stand to hold the door open until she or he is 

^ ^ well out of the way of a collision. 

If you don t, he 11 ^ are a an( j a man ^olds 
be sorry he did it. ^ ° 

a door open for you, accept his 

courtesy with a word of appreciation. 

It is when people forget themselves that they show 

what they really are. In places of amusement, we are 

likely to forget, so we must be especially careful of our 



STORES AND PLACES OF AMUSEMENT 95 



manners in such gatherings. Your behavior in all public 
places should never be conspicuous; if people notice 
you at all, let it be because of your refined and courteous 
behavior, and not because of your loud voice or rudeness. 

If there is a ticket line, keep in it, and do not annoy 
people by making them think you are trying to get 
ahead. Of course you wish to advance as promptly 
as possible, but it is your business to arrive early, 
or else to accept graciously your right place in the line. 

Try not to be late at a performance, as the late 

comers disturb other people If you have to speak to 

your companion during an enter- 

, , • 1 1 j_t_ i. Come early and get 

tamment, do t so quietly that a f ront seat 

people about you are not disturbed. 

Even between the acts, avoid loud talking or loud 

laughing. 

It is very rude to talk aloud about the performance 

if you have seen it before, for those around you may 

not desire to know ahead of time 

. i i j j i n You don't need to 

just what they are going to see. It break the shock . 

is also rude to read aloud the expla- 
nations on the screens of moving pictures. Again you are 
annoying people near you who deserve your considera- 
tion. 

If you have ever had to return to a theatre or moving 
picture hall after a performance, you have probably 
noticed the litter of papers, programs, and candy 
boxes on the floor. If you happen to walk through a 
public park after Saturday or Sunday, you have noticed 



96 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



egg shells, fruit skins, bottles, boxes and papers. Many 
thousands of dollars of the public money are spent in 
cleaning up parks after picnickers. Certainly the cleaners 
in a theatre must work with disgust on the trail of dis- 
order left by the seemingly refined people who have been 



and in the property of others to keep things in order. 

One day a little girl was standing on one of the 
boulevards of Paris eating a cake of chocolate. As she 
nibbled the candy she threw the wrappings, bit by bit, 
to the pavement. Suddenly a tall French officer ap- 
peared. "Here, you little American pig," he said, 
"pick up that paper." The astonished child did so. A 
bystander spoke to the policeman : "How did you know 
she was American?" he asked. "A French child 
wouldn't do such a thing," said the officer; "in Amer- 
ica they don't care where they throw things." Remem- 
ber that it is a mark of bad citizenship as well as a 
species of bad manners to throw rubbish on the floor 
of a public place, in street cars, streets, or parks. If 
you haven't a social conscience you will never make a 
really good citizen of any country. 

PROBLEM 

1. Plan a campaign for better care of parks and public places. 

2. Add other slogans to this one: 

If it is not seemly, do it not. — Marcus Aurelius. 



Have you ever tried 
using the trash cans? 



enjoying the performance. Ameri- 
can boys and girls should take 
enough pride in their own property 



PART FOUR 

IN BUSINESS 



CHAPTER XXIII 



Business Manners 

Considered in a general way, the principle under- 
lying relations among business people is the same as that 
which underlies courteous relations in home or school — 
the desire to remove friction and to make intercourse 
between individuals as easy and as pleasant as possible. 

Business relations are of necessity more or less formal. 

Your attitude toward those with whom you come in 

contact, however, need not be cold ^ ^ 

or distant, but neither should it be isn * a party ~~ 

- .,. ^ T • i nor a funeral either, 

free or familiar. Your attitude 

should invariably be dignified, showing respect for the 

person you are addressing, as well as a very real respect 

for yourself. It should be pleasant and yet impersonal, 

attentive, but not curious, alert, but by no means 

forward. 

When you enter your place of business in the morning, 
recognize with a greeting those who are already there 
and those who come in later. This is a little thing, but a 
cheery " Good morning" may help to start the day aright. 

Be careful that your appearance reflects credit on 
your place of employment. The sales force in many 
establishments are asked to dress « Neatb t 
in a certain way because these es- ea u not & au dy. 
tablishments realize that the appearance of their em- 

99 



100 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



ployees affects their business. This is true wherever 
the employee is required to meet people, but in many 
places no rules are laid down and an employee may be 
tempted to take advantage of this fact, not realizing 
that by so doing he not only hurts his employer, but 
also his own business standing and his actual money 
wage. 

Boys, get up early enough so that you do not have 
to omit to shave. A clean-shaven face is a business 
asset. Girls and boys, see that your nails are well 
cared for — perfectly clean and short. There is noth- 
ing more disgusting than long, dirty nails. See that 
your suit is pressed regularly, and not 
only pressed, but cleaned. Grease 
spots are never attractive. You can 
care for these matters yourself, you 
know, so expense is no excuse. Your 
shoes, too, need regular attention. 
They should be polished frequently, 
and the heels should be built up 
as soon as they become uneven. 
Though you may not know it, there are people who form 
their first impression of you from your heels. 

Girls, if you wear white shoes in the summer, be sure 
that they are immaculate. And give yourselves 
enough time at home in the morning to dress and to 
comb your hair so that it will need no further attention 
during the day. If, however, you find it necessary to 
attend to any detail of your toilet, go to the dressing 




BUSINESS MANNERS 101 

room provided for you; do not sit at your desk and 

arrange your hair or manicure your finger nails. 

To chew gum is bad form anywhere in public, but 

particularly bad in an office. The nerve strain usually 

is great during business hours, and - 

. , , . t . Try working some of 

to see somebody s jaws work inces- yQm Qther musdes 

santly usually increases this strain. 

Loud laughing and talking will always make you 
unpleasantly conspicuous. This is also true of pro- 
longed conversations on subjects other than those 
relating to business. They are wasteful of the em- 
ployer's time, and produce a most unbusinesslike effect 
in an office. They are, 
therefore, to be avoided. 

If you are an office 
boy, see things to do; 
don't feel that you must 
do only what you are 
told. Be attentive, and 
act promptly when in- 
structions are given you. 

Care should be taken in regard to interrupting con- 
versations. First of all, be sure that your business is 
important enough to call for an interruption. Then 
say, "I beg your pardon/' or, " Excuse me, please, for 
interrupting you." Then give your entire attention to 
the person you need to address. 

Remember that your employer is paying you for 
your time. For your own sake, give him not only his 




102 



EVERYDAY MANNERS 



money's worth, but the " little bit more" that shows 

your real interest. Permit no encroachment on his 

time by your friends — either by 
Even if there isn't i j r * 1 i 

a time clock prolonged or frequent telephone 

calls, or lengthy or frequent visits. 
Be scrupulous, too, in providing your own stationery 
for personal needs. His stationery belongs to him. 

If there should be a just cause for complaint, take 
your case to the proper authority, who is, usually, your 
immediate superior. Gossiping about difficulties to 
your coworkers does more harm than good. 

Keep as sacred all confidences, whether they come 

to you in the course of business, or accidentally through 

overhearing a personal or telephone 
Shut your mouth . . ^ T , 

- conversation. Your sense of honor 

and open your eyes. 

demands that they be respected. 
It sometimes happens in the course of a busy day, 
that everything seems to be going awry. A difficult 
situation is never helped by losing one's temper. At 
such a time try to keep your poise; you will find that 
you will be able to accomplish more and better work. 
If reproved for poor work, or corrected in a mistake, 
apologize for your work and express your gratitude 
for the correction. Give your promise for better 
results in the future. Never sulk, nor try to excuse 
yourself, nor waste time in long explanations. The 
o . point is that a mistake has been 

ry, ry again. made and that it should never 

happen again. Does it not sound much better to say 



BUSINESS MANNERS 103 



— "Oh, I see I was wrong; I'm sorry. Thank you for 
pointing out my mistake/' — than, " Oh, well, that's what 
I meant, — you see, somebody interrupted me while I was 
at work on that, but I knew, of course, what was right," 
or, "No, I never would have done that if somebody 
hadn't butted in," etc. 

If you are a stenographer, and your employer asks 
that you take some letters, go to him quickly and 
quietly, with all necessary materials. If he is not quite 




Dress suitably; don't wear out your party dresses at the office. 

ready, sit perfectly still until he is ready to begin. You 
will help him by refraining from tapping the floor with 
your foot or the desk with your pencil, or from arranging 
your hair or picking at your nails, or doing any of those 
little things that tend to distract the attention. 

You may, sometime, be asked to report the proceed- 
ings of a committee meeting. Whether or not the 
members of the committee are seated when you enter the 
room, remain standing until a place is indicated for you. 



104 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



When new situations arise, use your common sense 
and good judgment, not forgetting to call upon all your 
past experiences to help you in the solution of them. 

No matter what your position may be, the ability 
to work amicably in a group is a decided asset in busi- 
ness. A kindly toleration for the opinions of others, 
and for ways of working different from your own, will 
help to make you a more agreeable coworker. 

If you are a newcomer in an office, try to learn as 
much as you can, and as quickly as you can from the 



learn" will usually bring a ready response. On the 
other hand, do not offer your own opinions unless asked 
for them — you are the learner, not the teacher. 

The time may come when, a trained employee 
yourself, you will have an opportunity to help one who 
is inexperienced. Remembering the difficulties which 
you had to face when in a like position, try to give him 
or her as much help as is possible without neglecting 
your own work in order to do it. 

You can further the interests of your employer very 
much by your courteous treatment of his callers. Attend 
to the wants of each pleasantly, and as soon as possible. 
If the one asked for happens not to be in, perhaps you 
can act for him; at any rate, be sure to ask the name of 
the caller, and to inquire if there is a possible message. 



Lessons aren't over 
when you get your 
diploma. 



trained employees. Do not be 
too bashful to ask questions. An 
intelligent question does you credit ; 
and an attitude of " wanting to 



BUSINESS MANNERS 105 



The same is true when you answer the telephone. 

To tell your employer when he comes in that "some one 

called" is highly unsatisfactory. 

There are certain routine questions ^ lways be busines f 
, , , , , 1 like in your use of 

that one may ask; for example, the telephone . 

suppose the telephone rings : 

You: This is Mr. Brown's office. 

The Voice: Is Mr. Brown in? 

You: No, he will not be in until four. Is there any 
message? 

The Voice: No, I'll call later. 
You: Who shall I say called? 

The Voice: Tell him, H. C. Smith, of Harbinger 
Brothers. 

You: Very well, Mr. Smith, I'll tell him. 

Or 

You: This is Mr. Brown's office. 

The Voice: Is Mr. Brown in? 

You: Yes, who wishes to speak to him, please? 

The Voice: H. C. Smith, of Harbinger Brothers. 

You: Just a minute, Mr. Smith; I'll tell him. 

If you do not understand the voice on the telephone, 
observe the same courtesy you would show if speaking 
directly to the person. "Huh?" or "What?" is 
always to be avoided, as is any expression of bad. tem- 
per. "I beg your pardon," will bring a repetition 
without ill feeling. Listen attentively. 

Always remember that "the voice with a smile 



wins." 



106 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



PROBLEM 

If you have had any business experience, select the points in the 
preceding chapter that you consider especially important and ex- 
plain why they are important. Can you add anything to this 
chapter? 

Dramatize a correct telephone conversation. 



PART FIVE 

A LAST WORD 



CHAPTER XXIV 
A Last Word 

It happened in a little group of people that one of 
the women made a laughing remark which was mis- 
understood by one of the men present. He turned on 
her angrily and snapped out a rude and caustic reply. 
What would you have done had you been in the 
woman's place? If you had read this little book care- 
fully and had worked out its suggestions in your every- 
day life, you would probably have done just what this 
woman did. She turned to the man very quickly and 
said sincerely, "Oh, Mr. Jones, I did not mean to imply 
what you think/' — and went quietly on to explain 
her meaning. The man turned red with shame at his 
own rudeness, and was prompt in his apology. 

The little group could not but admire the woman's 
gracious courtesy and tact. It would have been easy 
to flare up and grow angry at the rude rejoinder she 
had received, or to have felt hurt and perhaps to have 
sulked. Either result would have created an embar- 
rassing situation for all present. But through this 
woman's splendid trained control of herself, the only 
person embarrassed was the person who was in the 
wrong, and when he had made his apology, all were on 
friendly terms as before, and the little incident was 
closed. Weeks later, someone spoke to the woman of 

109 



110 EVERYDAY MANNERS 



the fine way in which she had handled the situation. 
Tears came into her eyes at the remembrance of the 
hurt, for she was a very sensitive woman. Yet at the 
time of the occurrence no one knew how she felt. Her 
own personal feelings had been kept out of the way. She 
knew it would be selfish to let them rule her behavior 
and cause discomfort and unhappiness to others. Her 
manners were not idle forms, but a real part of her. 

That is the kind of good manners we want, — the 
kind that will make others more comfortable or 
happy. We have tried in this book to put down the 
easiest way of accomplishing this result under various 
kinds of circumstances. If we have omitted some 
things, and you are puzzled to know what to do, you 
can find the solution easily, if you will. Put yourself 
in the other person's place. What would I like him 
to do for me if I were in that situation? The answer 
to that question will usually be the right one. We have 
all known people who have never had an opportunity to 
learn the customs of well-trained social groups. They 
are apt to make what we call "breaks," yet their 
interest in others, their deference to their companions, 
their sympathy for and understanding of those around 
them make them welcome in any group. All the 
fine manners in the world are worthless if they are not 
the expression of fine character beneath. We have 
given you here all we can. It is for you to see whether or 
not you can fit this key to the lock which opens the 
door to the society of the well-bred. 



INDEX 



INDEX 



Accidents at table, 10 
Appearance, in business, 99-100; 

at school, 46-51 
Appreciation, expression of, 43; 

of guest for entertainment, 35- 

36 

Assembly, applause in, 65; atten- 
tion in, 66; seating in, 65-66; 
student government in, 65; use 
of, 65 

Assistance, to brothers and sisters, 
16; to hostess, 35; to inexperi- 
enced employee, 104; to mother, 
15-16. 

Attending, dance, 52-54; restau- 
rant, 91-92; theatre, 54-55 

Books, carrying, 71; during as- 
sembly, 66 

Boys, dress of, 45, 49, 50-51; and 
girls, 52-58; family inspection 
of, 52 

Bread, how to take, 4; spreading, 6 
" Bread and butter ' letters, 36 
Business, manners in, 99-106 

Caller, time of leaving for, 31 
Carefulness, regarding others' pos- 
sessions, 17; as to scattering 
possessions, 17 
Chairman conducting class, 71, 72 
Chaperon, courtesy to, 54 
Chewing gum, 85, 86 
Classroom manners, 71-74 
Cleanliness, of clothes at table, 9; 
of hands, 9, 75; of person, 49- 
51; of underwear, 50 
Clothing, in business, 99-101; in 
school, 46-51; care of, 47, 48, 
50, 100 

Coffee, sugar for, 7; stirring, 7; 
how to drink, 7 



Cold, conduct when one has, 10-11 
Collars, clean, 50 
Collisions, in corridors, 68; in 
lunch room, 75; on sidewalk, 87 
Confidences, in business, 102 
Conversation, within groups, 41- 
42; when guests are present, 32; 
monopoly of, 9, 24; when with 
older people, 23; at table, 9 
Corridors, manners in, 68-70 
Cosmetics, use of, 50 
Coughing, in assembly, 67 
Courtesy, attentions of boys to 
girls, 24; attentions to older 
people, 23-24; in conversation 
with older people, 24; to exas- 
perating guests, 32; in greet- 
ings, 14; in regard to use of tele- 
phone, 26-27; to shy guests, 41; 
at table, 1-13. See Manners 

Dance, etiquette of a, 53-54 
Dancing, in entertainments at 

home, 41; manners in, 54; rules 

for correct, 58 
Desk, attitude toward teacher's, 

71; use of, in classroom, 71, 72 
Desserts, proper handling of, 7-8 
Dishes, in lunch room, 75, 76; re- 
moval of, between courses, 8; 

stacking, 8 
Doors, closing, 74; of stores, 93; 

opening, for someone, 69, 74; 

rushing out of, 69 
Dress, of boys, 45, 49, 50, 51; of 

girls, 45, 46-48, 49, 50 
Eating, cutting food when, 5; in 

dining car or restaurant, 91; 

when to begin, 2; when to rise 

from, 11 

Elevator, entering, 69; waiting 
for, 69 



113 



114 



INDEX 



Entering room, order in, 2, 11, 32 
Entertainment, appreciation of, 
35-36, 43; of groups, 41-44; re- 
sponsibility of guests for, 42; 
responsibility of hostess for, 41 

Fingernails, 50 
Fish, how eaten, 3-4 
Fork, see Knife and Fork 

Games, attending, 79; losers in, 
78; winners in, 79 

Gifts, from guest to hostess, 35; 
"paid back," 60; proper, from 
boys to girls, 60; standard in 
giving, 60; thanks for, 60; to 
teachers, 59-60 

Girls and boys, 52-58 

Gossip, in business, 102; in street 
cars, 84-85 

Government, student, 77 

Greetings, at home, 14; in places 
of business, 99; on street, 87-88 

Guest, being a, 34-37; entering 
room, 32; entertainment of, 31- 
33; interest of, in entertainment, 
42; at meals, 2; overnight, 34; 
should conform to household 
routine, 35 

Hair, appearance of, in business, 
101-102; appearance of, in 
school, 49, 50 

Hands, in lunch room, 75; raising, 
in class, 15-16; at table, 9 

Hostess, at table, 2; care of over- 
night guests, 31-32; courtesy to 
guests, 31-33; dress of, 32 

Interruptions, of conversation in 
business, 101; in classroom, 72 

Introductions, bad forms of, 19; 
of boy to a girl, 19; conduct in, 
18-22; omission of, 21-22; time 
for, 20; to a group, 19; of young 
people to older ones, 18 



Invitations, definiteness of, 38; 
formal, 39; informal, 38; over- 
staying time set by, 38; from 
boys, 52, 53; to call after thea- 
tre, 55 

Jewelry, as index of taste, 48-49 

Knife, see Knife and Fork 
Knife and fork, how to handle, 5; 
in eating fish, 3; in eating salad, 
7; in eating vegetables, 5 

Laughter, at mistakes, 73; in 

street cars, 84 
Lavatory, in school, 69; in station, 

90 

Lockers, getting wraps from, 69 
Lunch room, manners in, 75-76 

"Make-up," 57 

Manners, aid those of others, 57; 
in assembly, 65-67; in business, 
99-106; toward callers in office, 
104; in classroom, 71-74; in 
corridors, 68-70; in the family, 
14-17; in games, 78-80; in 
lunch room, 75-76; with older 
people, 23-24; in stations, 90- 
91; in stores, 93-94; on street, 
86-89; at table, 1-13; at the 
telephone, 26-27; in trolley cars, 
83-85 

Mistakes, attitude toward in busi- 
ness, 102-103 
Music, 41 

Office, duties in, 77 
Officers, attitude toward, 77 
Olives, 4 

Perfumes, use of, 50 

Position, at table, 8-9 

Presents, from boys to girls, 53 

Promptness, in attending places 
of amusement, 95; in attending 
assembly, 65; in entering street 



INDEX 



115 



cars, 84; in keeping engagements, 
53; in obeying signals, 65; of 
family at meals, 2; of guests at 
meals, 35; of guests in replying 
to invitations, 39 
Property, borrowing, 28-29; per- 
sonal and individual, 29; pri- 
vate, 28, 29; regard for others', 
28; return of borrowed, 29 

Questions, in class, 73; in office, 
104 

Radishes, 4 

Reading at table, 10 

Reciting in class, 72 

Refreshments, as related to time 
of departure, 43; kind of, 40; 
relative value of, in entertain- 
ment, 40; serving, 40 

Salad, use of fork with, 7 

Salutations, on street, 87-88 

Seats, giving, in street cars, 84; 
in lunch room, 75-76; in report- 
ing meeting, 103; in restaurant, 
91; in theatre, 54, 95 

Shoes, care of, in business, 100; 
for every day, 47, 50 

Silver, arrangement of, 2, 3; indi- 
vidual silver, 2, 3, 4; playing 
with, 8; use of butter knife, 4 

Sincerity, in matters of courtesy, 
33; in requesting guests to en- 
tertain, 41 

Smoking, requesting permission 
before, 24 

Soup, method of eating, 2-3; 
spoon, 3 

Spoon, for coffee, 7; for soup, 3; 

for vegetables, 5 
Standards, demanded of boys, 52- 

57 

Stores, manners in, 93-94 
Street, manners on, 85-89 
Street cars, entering, 83, 84 



Student government, 77; in as- 
sembly, 65 
Suggestions to help others, 56-57 

Table, leaving, early, 11; position 
at, 8-9; use of, in lunch room, 75 
Table manners, 1-13 
Tact in correcting others, 73 
Talking, in business, 101; in places 
of amusement, 95; on street, 87 
Teeth, 51 

Telephone, business calls on, 105; 
calls at meal time, 26-27; calls 
at night, 26-27; courtesy to, 
" Central," 27; distinctness of 
speech at, 27; length of, call, 26; 
party line, 26; social calls on, 26 

Textbooks, covering of, 72 

Thanks, in the family, 17; for 
gifts, 60; of guest for entertain- 
ment, 35-36 

Thoroughness, a preparation for 
the future, 16; satisfaction in, 16 

Tickets, for amusements, 95; for 
travel, 90 

Time in business, 101-102 

Toothpick, use of, 9, 92 

Traffic rules, in classroom, 71, 74; 
in corridors, 68-69; in crossing 
streets, 86; in store, 93-94; on 
sidewalk, 86-87 

Underwear, 49-50 
Utilitv, of dress, 46-47; of shoes, 
47-48 

Vegetables, how to serve, 4; how 
to eat, 5, 7 

Voice, in lunch room, 76; in recit- 
ing, 72; in street cars, 84 

Walls, of school building, 70 
Wastebasket, use of, in classroom, 
72 

Waste material, in school, 69; in 
street, 89, 96; in theatres and 
parks, 95-96 



